


Meant For Each Other

by minamiren



Series: Meant For Each Oher [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, also some, and more - Freeform, as promised, but i'm too lazy to write everyone out, but it will be happy dont worry, johnkat - Freeform, the end at least, there is smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:23:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minamiren/pseuds/minamiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where the person you are meant to be with is dictated by if you can feel their pain, John Egbert thought he knew who his soulmate would be. He was wrong. </p><p>Karkat Vantas didn't think he would have a soulmate at all. He was also wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twelve

**Author's Note:**

> AU where if you get injured, then the soulmate will feel your pain! Specifics about how this works will be expanded on throughout the chapters. It's an idea that a friend gave me, and I just had to go along with it :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

You were a senior, and you still hadn’t found your soulmate. Not that it was a big deal or anything- apparently only about thirty percent of people meet their soulmate before college, and even less figure out who they actually are until later. So you weren’t really worried about the chances of you not having one or anything (really, the chances are less than once percent). It’s just that half of your friends _had_ managed to find theirs already.

So it got frustrating every now and then.

Sure, you had dated around and all. There had been Roxy, who was cute and funny. And Rose, for a few months (until she decided that she didn’t exactly swing that way). And a few girls other than those, all cute and pretty.

Vriska punches you in the arm, jarring you out of your thoughts. “If you’re not going to eat, I’m going to take that,” she says, pointing to your bag of chips.

A cursory glance tells you that she’s already taken a few. She wasn’t exactly one to ask, and you knew that. You don’t mind, so you just grin some and push the bag of chips over to her willingly.

“You can have them,” you offer, and she immediately takes the bag without so much as a thank you. You didn’t expect one- that’s part of what you like so much about Vriska, despite the fact that many of your friends practically detest her.

The thing is, Vriska was supposed to be your soulmate.

You dated for about two years, give or take. Seriously, with her blond hair and blue died tips, long lashes and full lips with amazing curves, who _wouldn’t_ want to date her? She was amazing- you had really loved her, for a while.

And then there was a day where you were running together- you don’t even remember why- and you fell and skinned your knee. Hers was completely clean. Not a single twinge of pain, not a single drop of blood, not even a red mark or a scrape.

You were crushed, and she ended your relationship after that.

You were still great friends- took you a bit to get over it, but you did. You’re glad you guys are still best friends, despite how much you may have wished that you could be more at one point in time.

Karkat rolls his eyes from where he sits across from you. He hates Vriska with his guts- something about how she did something to Terezi when they were younger. You weren’t sure. You open your mouth to say something to him when the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.

You gather up your stuff as everyone begins cleaning up. “See you after school?” you ask Karkat. You two generally get together after school for ‘homework,’ though said homework almost inevitably becomes a day of gaming and then rushed work in the last hour before one of you has to go home.

To your surprise, he shakes his head. “Not up to subjecting myself to all of your meaningless blather today,” he grumbles before absconding with his books.

You’re left standing, wondering why the lunch tray Karkat had thrown away hadn’t even been touched.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Homework sucks.

This is the inevitable conclusion that you come up with upon finishing your homework at eleven thirty at night. Not even enough time to play a game or start a chat conversation with a friend. Bluh.

You figure you might as well get ready for bed, so you do- and in record time, you might add. You were in bed within ten minutes.

You fall asleep wondering about your soulmate.

You don’t sleep long.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You wake up to a searing pain on your arm.

Sitting up, you grit your teeth to keep yourself from crying out and waking up your dad or something.

For a moment or two, you wonder if you’re just having a nightmare. Another wave of searing pain- as if a knife blade was being drawn through your arm- quickly dashes the thought. The pain was much too real to be a dream.

You fumble for your bedside table with your free arm- even if it wasn’t pitch dark, your lack of glasses made it impossible to see anything- and you keep the pained one held tight against your chest. Finally, you flip the switch of the light on, and take a deep breath before looking down at your arm.

Two long cuts are there- thin and deep. Your eyes widen, and you wonder what the hell happened. Suddenly, more pain. Another cut, then two, then three, open up on your arm. 

You stumble out of bed, eyes blurred. You’re aware of warm tears running down your cheeks.

You get to the bathroom and flip the light on by feel, then turn on the faucet and thrust your forearm under the running water.

You watch as the water turns a pale shade of pink with your _blood_ , flowing down the drain.

You feel sick.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity (or two), the pain starts to fade to a dull throb and the water turns clear again.

You count, hands shaking as your finger gently- oh so gently- traces over the wounds.

You count twelve.

Twelve long, thin, horizontal slashes that appeared on your arm exactly as if they had been put there by a knife or blade or _something_ really sharp.

Panic clouds your vision as you realize that your soulmate is cutting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it for Ch. 1! Feedback is always encouraged- you have no idea how much it means unless you've also been a writer at some point in time.
> 
> Also, you guys can follow me (or get the fic quicker) at minamiren.tumblr.com (where I can also answer questions)! Thank you for any support/comments/kudos/bookmarks you give, and see you next time!


	2. Soulmates

Your head is foggy- you’re not really sure if you’re awake or still dreaming. But no, the sharp, burning pain in your arm is fully enough to tell you that you’re definitely awake.

At this point, you wish you were dreaming.

You scrub at your eyes aggressively with your free hand, wiping away the tears that had welled up in response to the pain of these…these cuts on your arm.

Even as you watch, the skin begins to close. The cuts begin to fade, skin knitting together as the bleeding stops and your arm becomes whole again. It looks as if nothing has happened. The only evidence of the tumultuous event was an angry red mark on his arm, and echoes of sharp, stabbing pain.

Maybe it wasn’t an echo. Maybe you were still feeling your soulmate’s pain. You weren’t sure.

You close your eyes as you begin to wrack your brain for information about soulmates. About what happens if they’re injured, and how it affects the other.

The link between you and your soulmate wasn’t quite a lifeline, but it was close. You were closely connected enough that if your soulmate got hurt, you could feel it- literally.

The bond doesn’t form until you hit the age of sixteen- old enough to be able to withstand the pain if your soulmate is injured, but young enough that you still have plenty of time to find and meet them. Scientists have been searching for ages to be able to figure out how to find this bond, to alter it, to strengthen it, to change it, but they’ve never been able to.

Once you hit the age of sixteen, you start to feel the pain of your soulmate. At first, it’s small- if your soulmate broke your arm, you’d probably get a bruise. If they scraped their knee, you might feel a bit of a twinge.

Over time, it gets worse. More accurate. Once the age of eighteen hits, the bond is pretty much fully formed and developed. If your soulmate gets hurt, so do you. Completely and physically.

However, nature seemed to realize that this was a bad idea- what if one soulmate died? What if one got hit by a car and bled out? The other would too, without having anyone to help them. So it patched up the problem, and did it literally. If your soulmate got hurt, you would only for a while, before you healed. Just a lingering pain would hover around the wound. This nixes the chance of both sides of the bond being killed. A second one might even form with another person, given enough time.

There was no denying it- as much as you would hate to be able to admit it, you had finally found proof of your soulmate. And in the worst way possible.

Fuck.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You don’t get any more sleep that night.

The next morning, you’re still sitting upright in your bed, staring dazedly at your arm through bagged eyes when your alarm goes off.

You reach over, shut it off. You get dressed slowly, as if you’re dreaming.

You had a soulmate. You had a soulmate, but they were hurting. They were hurting badly, and you didn’t have a clue what you could do.

You grab yourself a poptart from downstairs as you shoulder your backpack and head out the door, glad that your dad has already left for work. He would have seen the distressed look on your face and demanded to know what was wrong, and you can’t lie to him.

You manage not to get hit by a car on your way to school- a fucking miracle, really; you were so distracted you almost walked in front of a bus before someone shouted and drew your attention. You seriously need to pull yourself together.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You do your best not to let anyone know that something is amiss.

You really do! You put on a smile as you walk into the school building, complaining with Dave about the homework load as always. You get Rose to teach you how to do the literary homework in first period, and you sit next to Vriska in second, rolling your eyes before you pass her your physics homework to ‘compare answers.’

You’re not fooling anybody. You know you’re not. You can tell they’re exchanging worried glances behind your back, wondering what has happened.

It’s just. Your heart’s not into it! You’re giving the wrong answers in Calculus, and you completely and totally forgot the Spanish verb for ‘to want.’ Which you learned four years ago.

Even the teachers seem to know something is up.

Lunch is the hardest, though it’s oddly enough there that things seem to get a little bit better. You sit by Vriska, as always. Dave sits on your other side, and Karkat sits across from you, also as always.

You frown a bit. “Where’s your food, dude?” you ask him, and he shrugs.

“My shitty excuse of a parent has seemed to forgot to give me money again, and I am therefore required to excuse myself from partaking in this ‘meal,’” he grumbles, putting finger quotes around the word. “Not that this shit they serve us at this educational facility even passes for a meal. Seriously, even animals deserve better food than this. I don’t know how the FDA ever approved it.”

Dave laughs and nods, raising his carton of apple juice. “Amen to that,” he chuckles before knocking it back.

You roll your eyes and take a bite of your grilled cheese sandwich (read: two dry pieces of bread with a totally uncooked slice of American cheese shoved in the middle. It’s pretty gross). “Whatever. I’ll give you some money tomorrow if you need it.”

Vriska grins at this. “Aw, aren’t you such the bleeding heart,” she coos, ruffling your hair. You yelp and slap her hand way.

“Vriska, quit that!” you complain. You’re finally loosening up- thank goodness.

The four of you eat in silence while the rest of your group chats for a bit, before you finally remember something and look over to Karkat.

“Oh! Karkat, are you gonna come over tonight? It’s Friday! You know what that means,” you say teasingly. Friday nights are movie nights. Karkat would never miss a movie night. And that might be just what you need to get your mind off of the night before.

He seems to hesitate a moment- surprisingly enough- before he nods slowly. “Yeah, I think I might just come.” He smirks a bit, propping his sleeved elbows up on the table. “But only if you let me pick what movie we will be watching first,” he bargains.

You groan- you hate his movies, they’re so uninteresting! No action or anything. But you nod anyway. At least you’ll be able to hang out with your friend! “Deal,” you say, holding out your hand to him.

He takes it and shakes it.

The two of you go home together once school ends. You sigh and shake your head as you make your way home, walking side by side.

“You know, I seriously don’t know how you handle it,” you say.

“Handle what?” he asks, brows furrowing as he looks over to you, lips turning down in a frown.

“The whole,” you gesture to his arms. “Sweater thing. Doesn’t it get hot as fuck when the weather gets warmer out?” you ask.

Karkat shrugs, pulling on the ends of his sleeves. “They’re comfortable. Kanaya’s mom seems to have a never ending supply of the damn things. I might as well wear them,” he says in explanation.

“If you say so,” you shrug before you open the door to let the two of you in. You kick your shoes off and drop your backpack near in the kitchen, and Karkat does the same. They’ll probably stay there, abandoned, until you remember your summer work the next morning and scramble to get it done before Karkat has to go home. It’s kind of an unspoken rule that he’ll be staying the night- he does it every Friday night. You even have pajamas and a toothbrush, just for him! It’s a pretty great setup, if you do say so yourself.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

His movie sucks. You knew it would- it was a romcom. You spend the entire movie just eating popcorn and letting your thoughts wander- though you’re not sure that’s such a great thing either. They keep wandering off to the events of the night before.

Finally, when the movie is over, Karkat shuts off the TV before rounding to look at you.

“Shit, Egbert. Normally I would be glad that you didn’t whine and moan like the immature jackass you are about my movie, but now I’m just getting concerned,” he snaps at you. “What the hell has been up with you today? You look like someone close to you has died and you’re trying not to let people know you’re mourning for them.”

Your right hand immediately involuntarily goes to scratch at your left forearm, and you chuckle before you shrug. “I dunno,” you say self-consciously, ears a little red. You suck at lying. “I just felt like maybe I should give you a break or something?” you try, and Karkat rolls his eyes. He obviously doesn’t buy it, but he thankfully lets it go.

“Whatever. Just, if you decide you want to _share_ whatever seems to be messing with your already addled brain, go ahead and tell me,” he grumbles.

You nod, then grin. “Come on, let’s go upstairs. We can make a pillow fort or something and watch movies on my laptop so that my dad isn’t bothered by us when he tries to go to bed,” you offer quickly, changing the subject.

Karkat shrugs before nodding, and the two of you go upstairs for a night of shitty movies. (Seriously, both of your movie tastes suck, and you know it. At least yours suck less than his).

You desperately hope that a repeat of last night doesn’t happen while you have company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there has been a success with chapter two! Here you guys go- hope you enjoy! Again, follow me at minamiren.tumblr.com if you guys want more dumb writing from me c:


	3. Why You Cry

After about an hour and a half, many complaints, frustration, and an episode where you contemplate completely flipping your shit because _holy hell why won’t that pillow stay where you want it,_ you have created what you deem to be the ‘best pillow fort ever’ as you proceed to tell Karkat.

Who was standing off to the side, by the way. Because he ‘didn’t want to contribute to the moronic activities that you managed to complete just fine on your own, fuck you very much.’ His words, not yours.

Your headboard is pressed back against the wall, though that’s about it when it comes to your bed. Your mattress (along with every pillow and sheet accompanying it) has been dragged off the bed, then assembled to create a pillow fort big enough for two. The side of the bed creates one wall, the mattress stood on its side created another, and about three feet of bedroom wall accounts for the last bit. A blanket is draped on top of all of this, and one hung down on the front to close everything in. It’s stuffed with pillows, blankets, your laptop, and much needed snacks. Perfect.

Karkat rolls his eyes as he looks at the contraption you’ve built. “Sometimes I wonder what the hell you even do with your life,” he says with a groan.

“What do you mean?” You return, frowning at him. “This pillow fort is awesome! The awesomest.”

Karkat looks like he’s going to either blow up or cry at ‘awesomest,’ but he does neither. Instead, he crawls into the blanket fort, then curls up in the plush mess creating the floor. You can’t help but to laugh a little bit before you climb in after him.

“Dude, you look like one of those adorable little puppies peering out of a ‘take me home’ box,” you inform him, to which he snorts as two red spots appear on his cheeks.

“I do not! I just happen to _enjoy_ the comfort of something that happens to fucking feel nice, okay?” he snaps at you, and you shake your head with a little grin before you flip your laptop open.

What movie would go first? It was your turn to choose (he chose the previous one), then his- the two of you took turns like that until you fell asleep of pure exhaustion, generally around one or two in the morning. It was the best fucking thing.

You choose ‘Mud’ with Matthew McConaughey, which is absolutely great. Karkat vehemently disagrees. In return, he picks ‘Serendipity,’ which absolutely sucks. Romance. Bluh. No action at all; you seriously don’t get why Karkat likes the stuff.

As time goes on and it gets closer- and past- midnight, you get more and more antsy. Either Karkat doesn’t notice, or he pretends not to.

You’re constantly rubbing at your arm, until you realize that you should throw on a sweatshirt to hide anything if it does happen, which you quickly do.

The night is spent anxiously, until you finally fall asleep.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You wake up the next morning still in the tent. The two of you had fallen asleep side-by-side.

You hesitantly, almost unwillingly, roll up the sleeve of your sweatshirt, and look.

Your arm is completely clean.

You sigh in relief. Thank _fuck,_ it didn’t happen again. Not only for you and the fact that you would have no explanation for Karkat, but for them. The mere thought of anyone hurting themselves, least of all your soulmate, was painful to you.

“Why the hell are you staring at your arm like it’s the fucking jackpot?” Karkat’s gruff voice sounds from beside you, and you jump like, ten feet.

Okay, more like two inches. But still!

“Jeez, Karkat! You scared me!” You exclaim, quickly rolling down your sleeve. “And nothing. Just, um, a note that I had written on my arm. It was a reminder about homework.”

Karkat raises an eyebrow, obviously not buying it, but he doesn’t press the subject. Instead, he pushes himself up to reveal a mop of bedhead so amazingly terrible you can’t help but laugh at.

Karkat promptly flips you off with both hands, then yawns before crawling out of the fort. “Okay, Egbert, time to give me some shit to eat before I have to go back home.”

You crawl out behind him- your own bedhead probably isn’t much better than yours. Both of you have atrocious, nearly impossible to tame black hair.

“Uhm,” you start eloquently, running your fingers through your hair in a futile attempt to tame it. “My dad probably made some pancakes for us?” you guess.

“Fuck yes.” Karkat is immediately heading out of your room and down the stairs, into the kitchen.

Your dad has made waffles. Okay, at least you were close! He’s left for work already (he works on Saturdays, too), so he left the waffles covered for the two of you to heat up and eat, along with strawberries, whipped cream, and a fuckton of maple syrup.

The two of you make a huge fucking mess eating everything, and it’s absolutely amazing.

As the two of you eat, you frown a little bit as you notice something. “Karkat, you look like your hair is greying. Or turning white.” You promptly get up and out of your chair, leaning over Karkat as you start combing through Karkat’s hair with your fingers, trying to part it. Is that…white in the roots?

Karkat almost immediately flips his shit, fastening his fingers around your wrists and tearing your hands out of his hair. “JOHN, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY DAMN HAIR BEFORE I RIP YOUR FINGERS OFF ONE BY FUCKING ONE AND FEED THEM TO HARLEY’S EVIL DOG,” he shouts.

Your eyes widen before you laugh and pull your hands back to your chest. You shake your head and roll your eyes. “Jeez, Karkat. Way to freak out over something that you definitely shouldn’t be freaking out about. I get it, I’ll drop it.” You don’t get why the random white in his hair is a big deal.

Whatever.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Five hours later, you’re alone in your house, sitting on your couch as you watch TV- Adventure Time. One of the only shows you actually keep time with. Most stuff you just watch on the computer, anyway.

It’s then that the pain starts again.

The moment the burning in your arm begins, you’re running up your stairs to your bedroom’s bathroom. You hold your arm over your sink as you watch in horror as lines are drawn over your skin once again, just below where they were last.

Your tears blur your vision, making it so that you can’t even see how many red lines are being drawn into your skin.

But you can still feel.

Feel the warm trickle of blood that is dripping down your arm, feel the pain that comes every time, a sharp, distinct line of it that draws across his arm, and you count.

There’s more this time. Seventeen. Five more than last time. Fuck, your soulmate is walking around with twenty-nine hidden cuts on their arm. Twenty-nine hidden cuts that show all the pain that they feel they can’t tell to other people, all the pain that they don’t know how to let out any other way.

You don’t only cry for yourself. You cry for her. For her, whoever she is. For whatever is happening to her.

You wait until the cuts stop bleeding and they heal, and you dejectedly wash off your arm, sighing as the blood rinses away from your now-clean skin. You don’t know what to do. 

You’re so fucking helpless, and you hate it.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You hated the white in your hair. Hated it, and the fact that you were albino. You were constantly dying it black, touching up the roots, and wearing contacts to hide your eyes. You were a fucked-up piece of shit- unlike Strider, who was going somewhere in his life. Who had a soulmate.

Who wasn’t kicked around and dejected as a child, forced to transfer schools until he realized that he needed to hide the fact that he was an albino just so that he didn’t get bullied.

You were so pathetic that you have to hide from yourself.

You were so pathetic that you were sure that you would never have a soulmate.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are sitting in your bathtub with twenty-nine cuts on your arm, and you’re sure no one will ever feel them but you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on a complete roll today with this shit!
> 
> Again, shameless self promoting: minamiren on tumblr if anyone wants extra fics, to request shit, or ask questions. Or just follow for my blog, which would be pretty nice. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and see you soon!


	4. What Now?

You honestly are at a complete loss of what to do. You don’t have a fucking clue. Someone meant for you is out there, hurting themselves because they’re hurting inside. The thought slightly terrifies you.

And yet, you can do nothing about it.

It’s not like you can just…magically ask around until you find someone with scars on your arm matching the marks that had disappeared off your own. Not to mention that it was almost winter break- seriously, _everyone_ was wearing long sleeves now. If things continued like they were, then your soulmate wouldn’t get any help until at least spring, and probably longer.

It had been almost two weeks since Karkat had spent the night at your house. Almost two weeks, and lines have been continuing to appear on your arms. Three more times, to be exact. Each time was different- sometimes more, sometimes less.

Every time causes you more panic and tears.

Your dad is getting worried about you- you can tell. Your grades are dropping, and although it’s not completely noticeable, you can tell that you’re not doing as well in your schoolwork. You’re more distracted during conversations, and your pranking ratio has gone down.

Your friends are worried about you, and you can’t tell them. Can’t tell them what has been happening at three in the morning, how these lines are appearing on your skin.

So you decide, after two more weeks of this, you need a fucking break.

Just, to _breathe._

You start to call friends; Dave is busy hanging out with his girlfriend/soulmate. Vriska is too, as is Rose with _her_ girlfriend/soulmate.

Finally, you dial Karkat’s number. You saved him for last, mostly because he yells at you so much you’re not entirely sure he wants to hang out with you. But then again, he never declines your offers to see each other, so maybe he does.

“Who the fuck is this, what the fuck do you want, and when can I get back to sitting on my ass like the lazy sack of shit that I am?” Karkat grumbles into the phone after he picks up.  
You can’t help but giggle.

“It’s John,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “And I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go somewhere today? I’m bored as hell, and you generally just sit in your room reading comics, anyway.”

There’s a rustle of static on the other side of the line as Karkat seems to consider this. “…Fine,” he grumbles after a moment. “Where are we going?”

You hesitate for a moment, and Karkat lets out an exasperated noise. “You don’t even have the brainpower that it takes that you should probably figure where the fuck you’re going before you ask someone to go somewhere with you?”

You cringe a little, slightly chagrined. Chagrined, but not deterred!

“Uhm,” you think for a moment, quickly brainstorming.

Your thoughts, unfortunately, are cut off by two things in quick succession. The first thing is a sharp pain in your finger. The second is a _loud_ curse from Karkat. “HOLY DICKSPLITTING FUCK, WHAT KIND OF-“ the extremely loud shouting from the other line quiets a bit as you get surprised into literally dropping your phone on the floor. 

Partly because holy shit was that loud, and also because damn, your finger hurts.

You suck on the cut as you pick the phone up gingerly, sighing in relief to find that it’s uncracked. You wait until the shouting quiets down to carefully hold the device back to your ear.

“What happened?” you ask slowly, continuing to suck on your finger. You’re not even sure you want to know, considering. Well, _Karkat._

“Well, I was slicing some carrots and shit for dinner, but the fucking thing _slipped_ and I sliced my hand like the giant moron that I am,” he grumbles angrily.

You freeze.

You slowly take your hand out of your mouth, and you peer down at the knuckle of your left index finger, which was already almost healed.

You take a deep breath before asking. “Which finger?”

You know the answer before he even tells you. When he does, it’s just a confirmation.

“My pointer finger on my left hand. Why the hell does that even concern you?” he snaps irritably. The cut probably stung like shit.

You fall silent at this, staring at your hand in horror as you attempt to comprehend what this means. It doesn’t work; your mind remains curiously blank.

“Hello? Earth to John Egbert, are you even fucking here anymore? Did you just leave the phone on the table and hauled your ass off to do who-knows-what somewhere else?” You come back to attention to realize that Karkat is speaking in your ear. Oh. You completely zoned out there.

You shake your head quickly before responding. “No, I’m here! I was just thinking of something else. And I’m really sorry, Karkat, but I just realized I have to do some work for my dad. Maybe we can meet up another time? Anyway, see you later! Bye!” You hang up before he even really has the chance to argue with you about your actions.

As you shakily lower your phone to the desk in front of you where you had been sitting, you don’t even know what to think. Your mind is a complete and utter mess.

Was that…was that real? Was it just your imagination? Did you just feel Karkat accidentally cutting his finger open?

No, you couldn’t have. It must have been you imagining that. There’s no way that he could…well. Be your soulmate.

It couldn’t happen! He’s a boy, for fuck’s sake! And you’re completely fucking straight, you know it! You know it, and you’ve never thought anything different! Your soulmate is a girl, and you’re completely convinced of that! It must have just been some sort of weird, fucked-up coincidence that your soulmate hurt themselves in the same place and at the   
same time as Karkat.

Right?

But…holy fuck. The cuts. The cuts. If Karkat was your soulmate, he…he was covering himself in cuts. He was hurting himself. One of your best friends would be hurting yourself, and you would have never noticed his pain.

And then suddenly, it wasn’t really a matter of being homosexual or not. It wasn’t even a matter of him being your soulmate or not.

It was _Karkat._

Karkat, the constantly-angry boy who was always pissed at everyone, and yet always there for them, too. Even you, despite the fact that you could be a Grade A asshole at times.

You practically melt, overcome with this new revelation.

You need to know if it’s true or not.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It takes you almost three hours to work up the courage to call Karkat again.

Three hours in which you do a variety of things. Things that include, but are not limited to: eating dinner, playing video games, dicking around on the computer to distract yourself, trying not to break down into tears, hair pulling, and rolling around on the floor in frustration.

Also screaming into pillows. There was quite a bit of that. Your dad figured out not to bother asking what was wrong about half an hour in.

Finally, however, you are back in your seat in front of your desk, where you had called Karkat the first time. You slowly pull up the contact and lift the phone to your ear as you call, half hoping that he won’t even answer.

“What the fuck is it this time, Egbert? Going to hang up on me without another word again like the asshole you are, or are you going to actually stick around to talk?”

You take a deep, shuddering breath- he had answered. You’re not entirely sure whether this is a good or a bad thing.

“I, um-“ you start, then realize you have no idea what to say. You can hear Karkat groan across the line.

“John, just fucking say it already. Obviously something happened while we were last in call, you have been brooding over it for the past couple of hours, and have finally worked up the courage to call me about it. What the hell do you want?” He sounds exasperated, and you cringe a little bit.

“Um,” you start, eloquently as ever. “You know how I called you earlier?”

You can practically feel Karkat rolling his eyes. “Yes, John. I know how you called me earlier. As I said less than sixty seconds ago.”

You cringe a bit, slightly chagrined. “Well, you cut your finger while chopping vegetables, right?”

“Yes…” Karkat’s voice is impatient; he obviously wants you just to get to the fucking point already.

“Well.” You take a deep breath, swallow, then spit it out. “I felt it too.”

Silence on the other side of the line.

You don’t know what to do, so your mouth decides that the best course of action would be to completely and utterly make a fool of yourself through rambling. “I mean, it’s my left index finger. About halfway down? And I don’t know, it might have totally been a coincidence. It might just be that my soulmate cut their finger at the same time as you- maybe they got a papercut or something? But I just thought I should let you know because, well. In case you are my-“ You cut off, realizing that there’s an uncharacteristic silence coming   
from Karkat’s end of the line. You can’t bring yourself to say the words, either.

“Fuck.”

_Click._

You sit there, staring at your phone. He hung up on you.

…What now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that would be the end of the overall part one, which means we're getting into the good stuff!
> 
> minamiren on tumblr- taking suggestions, questions, and posting generally early :)


	5. Feelings

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have not let yourself out of your room for two full days.

In addition to this, you have not eaten, slept, and have only had the two bottles of water that you kept on your desk in case you got thirsty. Over the past few weeks, you have become noticeably skinnier, though you hide this fact under baggy sweaters that you can get away with wearing considering the fact that it was winter.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you can’t believe the words that came out of John’s mouth.

You just…you can’t. When you heard him say that he had felt the cut when you had oh-so-dipshitly sliced your finger, your brain just- yeah, no. It pretty much just went blank.

Horror continued to build up in you as John just rambles like the clueless fucking ignoramous asshole in the middle of a presentation where he forgot his lines, and finally when it became silent, you couldn’t.

So you hung up on him. Hung up on John, who might be…

Might be your soulmate.

You don’t- you just can’t understand _why._ Why John. _John,_ of all people. Fuck.

And then it hits you. Scars. The lines on your arm that you can’t even count anymore, because there are so many. Arms, actually. Plural by now.

And if he was your soulmate- if he _had_ actually felt the cut that you had accidentally inflicted on yourself while chopping up vegetables…you don’t know what to do.

Because that meant he felt them all.

He would _know._ Know how you drew that blade across your skin and cried as blood dripped from it into the bathtub. And all because you were different. You were fucking different, and there wasn’t a damn thing that you could do to fix it.

You’re scared- terrified, even, that it _is_ Egbert. That despite the fact that you were way too pathetic to ever get a soulmate, he was yours. Him- a guy that was completely straight, whom you’ve known for literally years.

You realize that you’re not only afraid of him knowing about what you do at three in the morning when you’re plagued by night terrors that keep you from sleep.

You’re afraid of being rejected. Because despite how friendly John might be, despite how much he might pretend to be happy, he could never be happy with you.

You were halfway through drawing your razor over the inside of your left forearm to try to relieve some of your stress, your pain, your frustration, before you realize that if John is your soulmate, he’ll feel it, too.

You gasp in horror and throw your razor as hard as you can against the bathtub wall, where it hits with a metallic ‘clang’ and falls into the tub.

You sink to the floor, clutching your forearm and shaking. You had barely drawn a single drop of blood, but you were already cursing yourself and every instance that caused you to be brought into existence.

It might not just be you you’re hurting. It might be John, and you can’t deal with that. You can’t deal with that and you don’t know how.

So all you do is curl up on the floor of your bathroom, sobbing and glad that your dad isn’t home to hear how pathetic you are.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It’s Friday.

Friday afternoon, twenty-eight minutes before school got out, to be exact.

It has also been four days, twenty three hours, and thirty two minutes since you have last spoken to Karkat on the phone. Not that you’ve been counting.

Pshh, you totally haven’t been counting at all.

The thing is, he hasn’t turned up to school, either. Karkat’s completely fucking disappeared of the planet in everyone’s eyes, and you’re getting extremely worried.

By Tuesday at lunch, everyone had turned to you for an explanation. Why you, you didn’t have a clue, but apparently you were supposed to be the one to know why Karkat wasn’t at school. It’s not like you were ‘John, the All-Knowing Being When it Came to Karkat Vantas.’

When you lied that you didn’t have a clue (miraculously successfully), they frowned before seeming to forget about it altogether.

It’s not that you haven’t tried to talk to him, either. You’ve done everything you can- literally, everything. You’ve texted his cell, called both his cell and home phone. His cell was off and he refused to pick up the home phone. You’ve messaged him on pesterchum, and sent him an email. You don’t know if he’s seen your email, and if he’s been on pesterchum he’s been invisible, and hasn’t deigned to respond to you. The more time that passes, the more increasingly worried you become.

And then you realized that you _hadn’t_ tried to contact him in every way possible.

So the moment that those last twenty-eight minutes of school pass and the bell rings (with you not paying attention to a thing the teacher was saying), you immediately shoulder your backpack and shoot out of your seat.

You’re outside in a moment, jogging down the sidewalk. You’re going to go to Karkat’s house personally- whether it’s to apologize, beg forgiveness, get mad at him or what, you don’t know.

Ever since you felt that small drop of blood well up on your arm again before disappearing, you’ve been worried. Worried because- what if Karkat _was_ the one who had been cutting? The thought almost terrifies you.

For you, it’s not a matter of him possibly being your soulmate, despite the fact that he’s a male and has been your best friend for years. That part doesn’t even occur to you as you push yourself to continue running down the sidewalk, even as your legs cry for a rest.

For you, it’s just a matter of _Karkat._ Of making sure he’s okay. You can figure everything else out later.

After five minutes straight of running, with a twenty pound backpack on your back, you finally arrive in front of Karkat’s house. You sit on the doorstep before you make your presence known, taking deep, shuddering breaths. Your lungs have gotten that terrible itchy feeling that they get whenever you’ve been running past your limits and haven’t gotten enough oxygen. You put your arms on your head as you breathe, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.

You wait until you’ve gotten enough strength back to stand without shaking before you slowly- oh so slowly- raise your fist and knock on the door.

You bounce on the balls of your feet, worrying at your lip. You’re almost scared. What if he doesn’t answer? What if he refuses to talk to you? What if there’s another reason he hasn’t been coming to school?

Almost as these thoughts travel through your mind, the door slowly swings open.

You practically sob in relief when you see Karkat’s face in the doorway, eyebrows scrunched together as he squints against the sunlight, and finally takes you in.

He doesn’t even get to open his mouth before you’ve launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and causing him to stumble backwards a few steps in order to keep your balance.

“Egbert? What the- hell are you-“ Karkat sort of rambles for a moment incoherently as he does his best to take in the fact that you’re _right there,_ before he finally gets a hold of himself, taking a deep breath before pushing at your chest.

“John, what did I say about you putting your grabby-ass fingers on me? Get the hell off of me before I chew each and every finger from your hand, bone, sinew, and all,” he demands, and you step back with a breathless laugh, allowing Karkat some room to breathe and close the door behind the two of you before stepping into the hallway.

Karkat crosses his arms over his chest with a scowl, and you toe at the ground awkwardly. It’s finally occurred to you that you came here with no plan of what to say whatsoever, and were now completely at a loss for what to do. Karkat seems to know this as well- though he seems to be at much of a loss for words as you are, despite how obnoxiously literate he could be at times.

“Karkat, I-“ You start without even knowing what you were going to say, before Karkat interrupts you without so much as an apology.

“How much of it did you feel?” he demands, voice hoarse. “How much have you felt? Just the shit with the dinner, or-“ His voice cuts off and he looks away. He obviously doesn’t want to finish his sentence.

But it’s okay, because you already know what he meant to say.

“I’ve felt them all,” you breathe softly. “Ever since the first night- there were twelve. I still remember. I’m so, so sorry, Karkat. That I never, that none of us ever-“ Your throat chokes you off, as well as Karkat’s expression. Something tells you that maybe you need to shut the hell up for a little bit.

“You’ve felt them all?” His voice is flat, emotionless.

You swallow before simply nodding, all of your doubts gone by this point.

No matter how much you may have wished that it was false earlier- that it was all just some made-up thing and shitty coincidence, the fact that Karkat hadn’t argued about your words or even been in the least confused confirmed it.

Karkat, your literal best friend was cutting.

Your best friend was your soulmate, he was hurting himself, and even in your wildest dreams you would have never imagined this.

And then Karkat does something that is completely surprising- out of all the things that he could have said, this wasn’t it. He points at the door and speaks.

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys, thank you so much for reading and supporting this fic! I don’t know how much longer it might be- one chapter, five- but I’ve really enjoyed writing this!
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions (or just wants to follow me) (or talk to me) (or read my fics) (please im lonely), go to minamiren.tumblr.com! Comments/bookmarks/cudos always appreciated. Thank you!


	6. The Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John doesn't know everything about the connection between soulmates yet. He's about to learn.

“Did you not hear me? I said get the hell out of here!”

Karkat’s angry voice jars you from your thoughts, and suddenly your vision comes back- for a few moments, all you had been able to see was white.

…Were you even awake? At this point, you didn’t know how you could be completely sure. You would try pinching yourself, but with Karkat right there…you really didn’t want to risk hurting him as well, even if that would barely even be a small twinge of pain.

“No,” you hear your voice saying, clear as day even though if you had been consciously controlling your words you probably wouldn’t have been able to manage the single syllable. You are very much in shock, unsure of what to do.

Karkat’s face twists into what could almost be described as a snarl. “What?” he snaps, arm still pointed toward the door. “Is your underformed brain so filled with horseshit that you can’t understand the simplest of orders? I said get the fuck out of this house, John. How else can I say it to make it simpler for you?” he asks, voice sharp and strained.

You don’t respond. Instead, you take a step forward. Karkat takes a step back.

Finally, you find your voice, and you’re able to speak of your own accord- barely. “Why?” You ask, and your cheeks color slightly as you realize that your voice is pitched much higher than it usually is.

“Why, what?” Karkat growls at you, arm dropping back to his side. He doesn’t get what your asking.

“You…your arms. Karkat, why were you-?” You ramble for approximately five seconds before you realize that you’re getting absolutely nowhere in your words, and if Karkat hasn’t gotten it by the words ‘your arms’ then he probably isn’t going to. So you just shut up and watch as Karkat stills, and you’re afraid that you’ve fucked something up.

Well apparently, you have, because it’s half a second after that that Karkat takes a breath, then starts laughing. It’s just a chuckle at first, a small, barely-there one at that, but it grows into full, psychotic laughter. You’re slightly concerned that he’s having a psychological meltdown of some kind.

He clutches at his sides as he laughs, practically doubled over, and when he finally straightens up, his grey eyes search you in an unsettling way before he opens his mouth.

“Why?” he repeats, his voice still breathless from his crazy laughter. _“Why?_ Jeez, John, I knew that you were a fucking ignoramus at times but I didn’t think that you were _this_ ignorant. At how fucked up that I am.”

You open your mouth, but he holds up his hand, cutting off your protests before they even begin.

“Have you ever put your sorely under-processing brain to work, John?” He asks, the question clearly rhetoric. “Have you ever thought about why I never go outside, and when I do I always wear long sleeves? Have you ever thought about why the hell my eyes are grey despite the fact that eyes aren’t really this fucking shade in real life? Have you EVER thought about why I might want to RIP YOUR FACE TO SHREDS FOR POINTING OUT WHITE IN MY ROOTS?!”

His voice is becoming steadily louder as he speaks, more and more hysteric. You want to interrupt, say something, reassure him, _anything,_ but you don’t know what you can do.

So all you really do is stand there as he continues to throw a huge…well fit- mental breakdown, whatever you want to call it- in front of you.

“HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT WHY I’M SO FUCKING PALE, JOHN?” he shouts of you, the sheer volume of his voice making you take a step back. “HAVE YOU EVER COMPARED ME TO DAVE, AND MAYBE PUT A FEW THINGS TOGETHER TO COME UP WITH A CONCLUSION?!”  
“I-“ you start, still not getting it, but he scoffs, cutting you off yet again.

“Of course you haven’t,” he answers for you, and his voice is quiet- it’s deceptively soft. You’re slightly scared as he opens his mouth again.

“Of course you haven’t, because you’re just…John,” he continues, and you frown, wondering if your name was an insult in this context. It didn’t _completely_ sound like it though, so you weren’t sure. “Also known as a complete idiot who never puts things together.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, though you can tell he becomes absolutely zero percent less tense around the shoulders and jaw, and his stance is still extremely defensive.

“Here’s a hint: there wasn’t white at my roots because I’m a fucking old person, or because I’m too ‘stressed,’ despite how much you may tease me for that,” he snaps. “It’s always white. It’s always been white. I dye it black.”

You blink, slowly processing this information- his hair was white? Like the Lalondes? Or the Striders? It still doesn’t click for you, and Karkat growls.

“Give me a fucking second,” he groans, then reaches up to his eyes. You blanche, afraid of what he’s gonna do, but slowly relax as he just…pulls something out of his eye, and you realize it’s a contact. He holds it out to you, and you realize…it’s colored. It’s grey.  
He opens his own eye, and you can see that it’s red.

He laughs at your expression, though there’s no mirth in his voice. “Oh, so now he gets it. The notorious John Egbert has finally figured out that- guess what?- Karkat is a fucked up albino! What does he think of this, hmm?”

There’s an accusing tone to his voice, but also a pleading one, you think. As if he desperately wants someone- _anyone_ \- to accept him.

And why wouldn’t you? You take a step forward, closing the distance between the both of you despite what he probably wishes, and pull the protesting boy into your arms, hugging him close. You inhale deeply, and can smell his shampoo- some sort of rainy scent, is what you think.

…Not that you were just smelling his hair. Because that would be totally weird and not bro-like to do at all, right?

Not that you’re exactly just bros now. If the pain that you’ve felt in the past is true- and by now you have no doubt that it is- you should be soulmates.

But fuck it, you’ll have _that_ internal conflict on a later date. Just bro time for now.

“I don’t care,” you mumble in his hair. Then, deciding that this particular bro-hug has lasted long enough, you push back to arm’s length, resting your hands on his shoulders. “Why the hell should I care if you’re albino, Karkat? Dave’s albino, and you know he’s one of my best buddies.”

A sour expression veils Karkat’s face, and your stomach plummets as you realize that you’ve said the wrong thing, though you’re not even sure what you’ve said that’s so long.

“Of course it would come back to fucking Strider. _Fucking_ Strider,” Karkat scoffs, rolling his now two-toned eyes. You don’t know where the other contact is anymore, and you feel slightly bad about inadvertently forcing Karkat to take it out, but right now more important things were on his mind.

“Listen here, Egbert, and listen closely. I’m only telling you this once,” he says sternly, and you nod, swallowing thickly.

“Strider is not me. He is not me, is nothing like me, and will never be anything like me. Because of this, we make terrible friends, but we’re bros all the same. This doesn’t change the fact that we are _nothing like each other.”_

Karkat pauses, seeming to gather his thoughts together before he continues, his voice a small bit softer than it was a few moments before. “John, I hate to inform you of this, but people tend to not like what is different. Yeah, Strider could get away with it. But he had a scary as fuck brother, and a personality that matched his looks- different, but in a good way. He’s _attractive,_ and pulls off the whole white-and-red scheme. I. Don’t.”

He looks off to the side, words pouring out almost as if they were from their own accord. “Like I said, people don’t like what’s different. They didn’t like me. They fucked with my mind, fucked with my body. Hit me, called me names, bullied me out of multiple schools. Until I realized that the only way to avoid this was to be…normal.”

You blink as you listen to this, swallowing. It feels as if there’s a cotton ball in your throat, drying it out and making it hard to swallow. Karkat has been dealing with all this…for how long?

“And even though I might get away with things now, I still see some people who know me from my past,” he continues bitterly, still refusing to meet your gaze. “It’s fucking hard, John. It’s fucking hard, and I believed that I was too fucked up to even have a soulmate.”

John bites his lip- he (miraculously) very rarely got injured, despite the fact that he was exceedingly crazy in his actions.

“Too fucked up to deserve a life, but too scared to just end it. Took to…well, you figured it out,” he says, laughing dryly. There’s no note of regret in his voice, no way to suggest that he was bitter about everything. Just…resigned.

Your heart breaks a bit just watching him.

“You deserve a life, and more,” you say softly, and his eyes narrow as he turns to you. “And I’m not saying that just because I’m your- your soulmate,” you say hurriedly. “I really believe that. You’re like, my best bro, Karkat. There’s no way that I _wouldn’t_ want you to have everything that you deserve- which are definitely good things, not depressing ones.” Your voice is earnest, trying to convince him.

He smirks a little as you stutter around the word ‘soulmate,’ his expression slightly sour. You wonder what he thinks about you. If he’s ever hoped, or thought about you that way. You shake the thought off almost immediately though- it most certainly wasn’t the time to be asking this.

Where did a thought like that even come from, anyway?

Karkat sighs. “How do you know that you’re not just saying that because we’re paired?” he asks tiredly, and you bite your lip. Had he avoided the word ‘soulmates’ on purpose? You’re too nervous to ask him, despite the fact that it was a perfectly viable question.

“I- I know because I’m not! It’s not like it makes me suddenly want to kiss you and shit just because I can feel your pain!” you exclaim.

He flinches slightly, and you immediately feel like shit.

“I, I mean-“ you start, and are immediately cut off by a glare from the other male.

“John, just quit trying. Do you even pay attention during lectures about soulmates? I didn’t think I had one, and even I fucking paid attention!”

You grin a little, slightly chagrined. “Maybe I got a little bored as the lecture went on?” you offer hesitantly, and he groans, rolling his eyes and being so much like the Karkat you were used to that you give another, more authentic laugh at this.

“Well then, let _me_ explain it to you,” he says, voice a little aggravated. “Scientists have discovered that the bond isn’t only a physical link of feeling pain. It’s a chemical, psychological one as well. The longer you know your soulmate, the more time you spend with them, the closer with them you get physically- all of that affects how you feel about each other, whether you particularly want it to or not.”

He smiles, though there’s no mirth in it. “So in answer to your previous statement, John, yes. Yes, you could be saying that just because you’re my soulmate. Unless you get the bond broken, you’ll probably end up falling in love with me through completely artificial means whether you want to or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I have yet again managed an update! As always, [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr, and follows are always appreciated! So are questions, comments, kudos, etc- all of them are extremely encouraging and make me more inclined to write quicker c: Thank you!


	7. Trying New Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back with chapter seven! Holy shit I seriously never expected to get this far with this. Just...I want to thank you guys _so_ much for all the support that you've given me...it's really your bookmarks, comments, etc. that keep me going. I really appreciate it all! Hope you enjoy!

You’re almost at as much as a loss as you were when you figured out that Karkat was your soulmate in the first place. You’re almost at as much of a loss as you were when Karkat ever-so-furiously demanded you to ‘get the hell out of his house.’

You open your mouth to respond to him, close it. Try again, opening your mouth and trying to speak, but nothing coming out of your throat. So you close it yet again.

Karkat watches you with contempt, his arms crossed as he watches you.

You hear a short breath escape his lips, and you realize that he’s laughing. At you. Because of the way you are struggling.

“Wow, you are seriously even more of an obtuse sack of rotten shit than I would have originally thought, John,” he snickers. “Did you seriously not ever wonder why every single soulmate relationship has been successful, and if you break it off it has to be within a month of meeting your partner?”

You flounder slightly, a sort of ‘aaahhhhhnn-‘ sound coming out of your mouth as you try—and ultimately completely fail—to respond to Karkat’s words.

Because you can’t believe it. You don’t even understand how you have managed to avoid this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT piece of information for so long- surely you must have heard it at some point in your life! But apparently you have one hell of a selective memory, because you seriously don’t ever remember hearing that.

“Are you sure?” you manage, your voice thick and there’s a dull sort of pain that fades immediately as Karkat smacks his face in a facepalm. You wonder how you never noticed the bond before, if you could feel something that small.

Or maybe Karkat was right, and it was growing stronger because you were…well, talking. Communicating. Figuring shit out (or at least attempting to; so far your shit remains thoroughly unfigured out, unfortunately enough).

“No, I just made the information up off the top of my head and am fucking with you because I am that much of an asshole. _Yes,_ John, I am sure. That is exactly what happens. Which is why we are getting our fat asses over to the hospital _now_ so we can get the stupid fucking bond removed,” he commands, grabbing your arm in a vicelike grip and dragging you to the door that you had previously refused to go out of.

You _still_ refuse to go out of. You dig your heels into the ground, leaning back. “No!” you exclaim, and you’re not sure what made you say it so fast (not the bond, not the bond, it can’t be the bond), but for some inexplicable reason you don’t want to get it removed.

Not…not yet, at least.

Karkat turns to scowl at you, and you cringe a little bit under his gaze. “I just…Karkat, if we get this removed then you might form a bond with someone else. _I_ might form a bond with someone else. And even if neither of us do…what about your arms? I don’t want to chance letting you start with that again.”

Karkat’s jaw tightens, and for a moment you think he’s going to slap you.

Fortunately, he doesn’t.

“Well, obviously you forming a bond with someone else isn’t a problem, isn’t it?” he practically sneers at you. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve realized that the system has officially fucked me over. Given me a soulmate to feel my pain—but a _straight_ fucking soulmate, so it doesn’t even matter!”

You flinch a bit, the word ‘straight’ coming at you like an insult. And even more now…you can’t help but doubt yourself. You had thought that there was no way on earth that Karkat could ever have a crush on you, but with those words…

But then again, he might just not be straight, right? You were pretty sure hearing the words ‘pan’ come out of his mouth at one point in time. So probably not.

And yet, you feel almost… _disappointed_ by this thought. Like you wanted it to be you. But you know you don’t…do you?

Is the bond already starting to affect your brain?

“Karkat,” you start slowly, making a clear effort to actually think your words before spewing them out with no clear meaning or forethought. “I don’t. Want to. Get it removed yet,” you say slowly. “Because, I really don’t want you to hurt yourself again, and I care about you a lot.”

He flinches, and you falter, wondering what you said that screwed things up. But he doesn’t speak up or anything, so you just continue speaking.

“It takes a while before the bond like…fully starts to function, right? You said something like that. How long until we can’t get the bond removed anymore?”

Karkat scowls at the ground. “A month,” he grits out, his eyes squeezed shut. “About.”

John nods, then takes a deep breath. “Well then, three weeks. That’s one whole week less than a month. We keep this bond for that long.”  
Karkat looks up, narrowing his currently dual-chromatic eyes at you. “And _what?”_ He snaps at you, clearly pissed. “Because you’re concerned for the shit I’m putting on my arms? I hate to break it to you, mentally deficient sponge that you are, but that’s not how bonds work. Bonds symbolize who you’re going to live with _for the rest of your life._ It’s not fucking _friendship,_ John.”

You swallow- you knew that. And you should have seen those words coming, from Karkat of all people. So you consider. Consider how you originally thought Vriska was going to be your soulmate, but wasn’t. Consider how long you’ve known Karkat. Consider how much you care for him. Consider what it would be like to be…more with him, even though you know you don’t actually like guys.

Consider the fact that if you let this chance slip away from you, it will never return. You will never get another chance to help Karkat.

So you shrug, and then nods. “Okay,” you say, voice so hushed it’s practically a whisper. “Okay, so soulmate is more than friends. I’m prepared for that. I- I’ll try it.” You stutter just a bit, but overall get the words out clearly.

Karkat’s eyes widen, and his face darkens into this dusty pink color- you know he’s embarrassed. “So what, you’re just inviting yourself into a relationship with me without my input? Do you even know how a functional relationship _works,_ John? And how the hell do I know that it’s you talking and not the stupid ass bond that’s going to screw with your mind and decisions!?”

You’re seriously unsure whether he’s angry or just upset at the moment.

“It’s me!” you exclaim, throwing your arms up in exasperation. “I’ve known of the bond for what- two minutes?- and I seriously doubt it’s going to affect me that much in that amount of time! Jeez, Karkat, just. I’m trying to think of something, here! This situation sucks, yeah, but I’ll try with you! I’d be glad to fucking try as long as you’re okay with it, too! Maybe I’m straight. Maybe I’m not. I’ve never been attracted to a guy but _so help me_ if I don’t even at least give my own _soulmate_ a chance!”

You stand there, panting and out of breath from your rant, and Karkat just sort of. Stares at you. You don’t know if he’s upset or not, happy or not, confused or angry.

“I swear, John, if you’re fucking with me I’ll-“ You don’t give him a chance to tell you what he’ll do, because you interrupt him before he even gets that far.

“I’m not fucking with you,” you say, your tone of voice now completely calm and clear. “I wouldn’t be like that, Karkat. I said I was going to try with you and fuck if I’m not. If. If you’ll let me, of course.”

Karkat looks down, shrugs. “Can’t lose the bond without your permission, so guess I’m going to have to.”

You smile, relieved, then step forward to gently hug Karkat. You figure that you have the right to do this, considering that he’s your boyfriend now.

Boyfriend? Fuck, is that even the right word?

Were the two of you even going out?

You don’t even know what to call it. All you know is that when you put your arms around him, Karkat tenses up as stiff as a board, then slowly- ever so slowly- relaxes in your arms. He doesn’t hug you back, but he doesn’t try to pull away.

Finally, you step back again. “Mmkay. So…do you want to tell people, or?”

Karkat’s eyes widen, and he shakes his head frantically. “No!” he exclaims, then bites his lip. “I mean, I don’t want to because. Considering the fact that this isn’t going to last, they don’t have any rights to the information. Not to mention the fact that Dave would be a huge ASS about it if he knew,” he rolls his eyes.

You can’t help but to grin a bit, then nod in agreement. “That is true, very true. He’d never let me live it down, and grill me on the ‘gritty details’ of my ‘love life’ every chance he got,” you laugh some, putting finger quotes around your words.

A small grin flashes around the corners of Karkat’s mouth for a moment as you imitate Dave, though it’s gone almost as fleetingly as it had been there.

“You got that right,” he agrees. “And fucking Terezi and Vriska. Let’s just…not tell anyone and figure this shit out for ourselves, okay?”

You nod. “Okay.” You pause, swallow, glance around. Glance back at Karkat, who’s watching you with a slightly perplexed expression, as if you’re a puzzle that he can’t quite figure out. “How is this going to work?” you finally ask, biting your lip. “Like…I can come to your house after school, and you could come to mine on weekdays? What are we—what are we even supposed to do together?” Holy shit, you’ve never been in a relationship with a guy. You’re at a complete loss of what to do here.

Karkat snorts, shakes his head. “Stop trying to plan shit out. It makes you seem like even more of a cottonheaded moron than you usually come off as. Just do whatever the fuck you want to, and trust me, I’ll let you know if you pull something that isn’t okay.”

You bite your lip, but nod again. “Okay,” you say, then offer Karkat a smile. “Thanks. For letting me. You know, at least try this?”

Karkat sighs. “I don’t exactly have a choice. You know my secret, and you’re really annoyingly set on this. And unfortunately, you’re stubborn as fuck. So sure, you’re welcome, but there’s really no point in thanking me. Maybe you should thank your bond for making you feel things that you don’t really have.”

You frown some as Karkat manages to bring the topic back into slightly depressing territory, and you sigh. “Just let me give this a chance, Karkat. Seriously. I wanna at least try- that’s better than saying I didn’t at all!”

You frown a bit, tilting your head to the side. “By the way, Karkat…I’ve been wondering, but did you. You know, have a crush on me before this?”

Karkat’s eyes widen, face turns pink, and suddenly he looks pissed. “Holy fucking shit John, I can’t believe that you would even ask that. What possessed your deformed, unattached tongue and caused it to even say the thing that it did? Here’s a fucking hint: no!”

You grin and giggle. “Okay,” you say, satisfied with the answer. Guess you’re both going to be working from the ground up, if neither of you like each other.

And then suddenly, on impulse, you lean forward and kiss Karkat’s cheek.

Just as suddenly, you pull back, your face burning. His is burning as well, and he stares at you with wide eyes- it would be comical if you weren’t so embarrassed. Holy shit, you just kissed your best-friend-slash-boyfriend’s cheek. And when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong about it but you’re STRAIGHT, dammit!

But you just couldn’t pull away in that moment, couldn’t stop yourself or even think to consider. It was almost as if you kissed him purely on accident.

You wonder if it’s the bond that made you do that, or the bond that reminds you that you can still feel the warmth of his cheek on your lips.

You stare, not even knowing what to say. For a moment you’re afraid that he’s going to slap you, but he takes a deep breath, clenches his fists together, and relaxes. “Fucking shit,” he mutters, then turns around and starts heading up his stairs.

“Come on, I’m taking out my other contact,” he says as he traipses up the stairs, and you follow him, confused.

Is he just going to pretend that you didn’t just kiss his cheek? Because that was a totally non-platonic movement and you _both_ know that. Or should, at least.

But apparently he is going to do this, because he steps into the bathroom, leaning over the sink as he looks in the mirror, carefully taking the contact out of his eye. He drops it into some sort of solution (you’ve never worn contacts, you don’t know what the hell it is), then turns back to you, arms crossed.

“I’ll keep my contacts off for you, just so long as you fucking swear not to tell anyone.”

You brighten at this, then nod eagerly. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear!” You’re extremely happy that Karkat is deciding to do at least this much around you, holy shit.

“Thanks, seriously,” you repeat yourself, and Karkat shrugs, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets.

“Don’t mention it.”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you were lying so hard when you told John that you had absolutely no interest in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this, guys! I'm [Minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr, and you're welcome to follow me! You'll get earlier updates, I'll respond to any questions, take requests, and I always enjoy conversation c: 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading this! Your support means so much to me.


	8. Conflicted Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John doesn't have a clue what's going on, and it's starting to worry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I am on a _roll_ with this fic! It's seriously my favorite, and though I originally didn't know where I was going with it, now I do and I love it. Like damn.
> 
> Anyway, have fun and enjoy!

After Karkat takes off his other contact- the first one regrettably lost forever- you both sort of just stand there, studying each other. Or more like you study Karkat, who determinedly looks off to the side at some neutral point over your shoulder.

You don’t know if you should bring up what you did earlier. It’s weighing on your mind a _lot,_ though.

Why did you do it? What possessed you to make you want to lean forward and kiss Karkat’s cheek like that? You had just like, leaned forward and kissed his cheek. And it doesn’t help that every time that you think of it you recall how his skin felt against your lips. 

It definitely doesn’t help that you want to do it again.

Which you don’t get, dammit! You don’t want to do that! Kissing Karkat- hell no! Not because you don’t think he’s attractive or anything, but you’ve never liked him. Never wanted to kiss him before.

This is slightly worrying to you in the way that you are afraid that the bond is already affecting what you think. That it’s already making you want to do things that you wouldn’t usually want to do.

Karkat clears his throat, and you focus back on him to realize that he has ceased to stare at previously-mentioned neutral point over your shoulder, and is now looking at your face.

“Well?” he asks you, frowning. “I don’t have a fucking clue what to do. It’s a Friday after a school day that I purposely skipped, my dad is gone for the weekend and I got landed with you. Are you going home or staying here or _what?”_

You can’t help but to flinch a bit at the way that Karkat says this. As if you being his soulmate is a _bad_ thing. As if maybe, just maybe, he wanted it to be someone else. And this fills you up with this huge sense of disappointment.

You’re not sure whether you’re disappointed because you feel you’ve failed Karkat, or you’re disappointed because he might have wanted a different soulmate.

Ugh, you need to stop overthinking this. So you instead turn your mind to Karkat’s question, hesitating before you answer.

“Well…you could come with me to my house. Spend the night? Like you do every Friday night,” you offer. “We don’t have to act any different just because we’re…you know. And we don’t even have to tell my dad if you don’t want!”

Karkat bites his lip at this, and slowly nods. “Fine,” he grumbles. “Just let me grab my shit, and we can go.”

You step back so that Karkat can exit the bathroom, and you grin a bit as Karkat disappears into his room, returning a minute or so later with a pillow and something to sleep and the next day.

Your grin widens some as he leads the way downstairs. “This is pretty cool though, I gotta say,” you can’t help but ramble as the two of you start the walk to your house.

“Like, seriously,” you continue when Karkat doesn’t either acknowledge you or tell you to shut up. “It’s like we’re some secret pair that no one’s allowed to know about, and I get to sneak you to my house where we can watch my awesome movies and your shitty movies. And stuff.”

Karkat rolls his eyes at you- you’re still getting used to the fact that they’re not grey. That they’re red, this deep, burnt red that kind of bores into you if he stares at you for too long.

“John, that was one of the most idiotic bullshit things I have ever heard you come up with. And you have come up with a plethora of idiotic bullshit ideas,” he tells you flatly. You just laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you tell him, grinning. “Let’s just hurry home!”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

When you finally arrive home, you dig the keys to your house out of your pocket and unlock the door- your dad isn’t there. He must be working late.

You head to the kitchen, Karkat shutting the door behind the both of you before going upstairs, presumably to drop his stuff off.

Sure enough, there’s a note on the kitchen counter:

JOHN, I HAVE TO WORK LATE TONIGHT. YOUR DINNER IS IN THE FRIDGE, ALONG WITH AN EXTRA FOR KARKAT IF HE COMES HOME. ENJOY YOURSELVES.  
-DAD

You smile a bit as you pocket the note. You’ll put it in the shoebox that you keep all of your dad’s notes in. Sure, you may complain about them being annoying and bitch about how he always says that he’s proud of you, but you really are glad of the reassurance. It means a lot to you.

Karkat comes downstairs to you heating up two bowls of soup.

“My dad got us food,” you say brightly, and Karkat frowns.

“Not hungry,” he mutters, looking off to the side.

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Dude. Have you even eaten since I last saw you? You’re a stick, man. You could use the soup.”

Karkat glares at you, opens his mouth to respond, then just sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, I’ll humor you. Just don’t give me too much, got it?” he snaps at you, and you nod.

“Got it,” you say, then jump as the timer on the microwave goes off- right in your ear and LOUD AS ALL HELL.

Holy crap, you totally forgot you set that thing so loud the other day when your dad wasn’t there and you put something in there to heat up and had gone upstairs. You wanted to be sure you could hear it from your room.

But holy shit, it was loud as hell now.

You quickly turn it off and grab out the bowls, turning around to see Karkat snickering at you from where he’s seated at the table.

“Oh, shut up,” you mutter at him, sliding him one bowl and a spoon as you sit across from him with your own.

“So, what’re we gonna do together tonight?” you ask him with a grin.

Karkat raises a brow at you and gives you a pointed look, and your eyes widen as you turn positively scarlet as the implications of what you just said hit you.

“Oh my gosh, Karkat! You know that’s not what I meant, fuck you!” you whine at him, embarrassed as you hide your face in your hands. “I just meant what were we gonna do after we ate! Hang out or watch a movie or- fuck that just makes it sound like a date I hate you so much.”

You glance up to see Karkat giving you the most unimpressed look that you’ve ever seen.

“Wow, idiot, way to make things awkward as hell,” he tells you, clapping a few times for added emphasis on his words. “But for your information, I didn’t sleep last night. I instead spent my time dicking around on my computer doing fuck knows what like your average useless sack of shit in society. Which translates to: I am going to bed early so don’t you dare disturb me,” he shoots at you, standing up with his bowl and rinsing it off in the sink.

He’s already done. Damn. “If you say so,” you tell him dubiously, continuing on your own bowl as Karkat heads up the stairs.

You finish a minute or so after him, leaving your own bowl in the sink next to Karkat’s before you go up to disturb him like he told you not to do. What? It’s not like you were going to completely cease teasing Karkat! He was hilarious when he got angry and you loved needling him.

You don’t really pay attention to the fact that the door to your room is closed, despite the fact that you always leave it open.

You _do_ pay attention, however, when you walk in to Karkat in his boxers, pulling off his shirt.

He hears the door open, and he stares at you for a moment, shirt dropping to the floor.

You stare back.

And then the world suddenly comes into focus again and you TURN THE FUCK AROUND, covering your face with your hands and turning even brighter red than you were earlier.

“Fuck, Karkat, I’m so sorry- I didn’t realize- didn’t think. Shit. I didn’t mean to walk in on you,” you babble incoherently for a few moments before you hear a snicker behind you, and you slowly turn around.

Karkat’s still in his boxers, and you bite your lip. “Hey, asshole, how about you try thinking for a minute. Maybe along the lines of _we have gym class together?_ I’ve fucking seen your skinny ass change before, and you’ve seen me change. No reason to flip your shit over it just because of some dumb twist of fate,” he tells you pointedly, and you drop your head.

Okay, now you’re kind of super embarrassed.

“Right,” you mumble, going to your dresser and pulling out a shirt to wear to sleep, pointedly not looking at Karkat. You’ll ditch pants and just wear your boxers.

“John,” he says, and you turn around again. He’s wearing a shirt now, though it seems like he has the same plan as you when it comes to sleeping in just that. “Just…Chill, okay?” he tells you, frowning as if concerned. “I know I yelled at you earlier, but. I’m not losing my best  
idiot friend because of something that happened over the phone, got it?”

You swallow before nodding. “Yeah, I got it.”

But then, like the amazingly smooth idiot you are, you decide to open your mouth again. “But shouldn’t we be like, doing something _different?”_ You ask him, frowning. “Like Jade and Dave or something! They’re always holding hands and sitting next to each other or some shit. And Kanaya and Rose are never caught without each other either! I feel like I’m doing this wrong- like I’m screwing something up, or that I’m _going_ to screw something up, and it’s really frustrating as hell!”

You take a deep breath, release it. Look up to see Karkat’s cheeks are pink. Thank goodness, you’re not alone in this embarrassment.

“John, couples don’t just magically get all sappy and gross just because they find out they’re soulmates,” he snaps at you. “Not to mention the fact that _hey,_ you’re straight and I’m mentally fucked, so this was all a mistake in the first place!” he reminds you.

You feel oddly disappointed as he says this. As if. As if you didn’t _want_ it to be a mistake. As if you want Karkat.

Which is weird, because you know you don’t! You never have before, and curse this stupid bond for making you feel all these things that you’re not supposed to be feeling! It’s screwing with how you think, and you’re getting frustrated as hell for it!

You need to just…get some sleep. Yeah. Both of you do. So you open your mouth to tell Karkat that you should probably both go to bed.

“Sleep with me,” is what you blurt out instead.

Well, that definitely was not what you originally intended to tell Karkat.

Karkat turns about six fantastic shades of red at the words, and you desperately backpedal. “No! That’s not- fuck, I’m amazing at saying the wrong things, aren’t I? I meant we both need sleep, and I haven’t made the guest bed yet. And like, we’re supposed to be soulmates now? I don’t mean that you have to be like, relationship-y with me just. We need sleep okay!?”

Yeah, you’re amazing at getting your words out.

To your great (and never-ending) surprise, Karkat slowly nods.

“No pulling any funny shit, or I swear I will kick your ass into next week. And I’m blaming me agreeing to you on account of how tired I am and the fact that I’m about to pass out on my feet and am not going to wait for you to put sheets on another bed,” he tells you, then yawns widely before crawling into your bed, and curling up.

It strikes you in this moment that he kind of looked like an adorable little kitten as he had done so, just getting into your bed the way he had.

You immediately shake any thoughts of Karkat being ‘adorable’ out of your mind, and pull off your shirt and pants before pulling on the other one. You really need to get your shit straightened out mentally. This bond was screwing with you bad.

But hadn't Karkat said that it shouldn’t set in for another week or so?

You’re confused as hell. You’re sitting here kissing Karkat’s cheek, making him your boyfriend, and sleeping with him in the same bed. No one can say that this is platonic action in the least, but you’re still confused!

Because you want to kiss him, but you don’t.

You’re desperately afraid that maybe, just _maybe,_ you’ve fallen for him, and it isn’t the bond that made you do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of this chapter! Again, if you want answers to questions, quicker updates, or just to keep me company, I'm [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr (I track the tag as well, in case anyone miraculously wants to write/draw me something).
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much! All of your support is appreciated, and I'll see you soon!


	9. Denny's and Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally, the title of the chapter. Along with some added stuff that might be a little bit more emotional and fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm putting this at the top this time because I figured some of you might be interested. If any of you like my writing ~~which i hope you do otherwise why would you be here~~ and want more of it in your fave pairing/au, I'm having a fic giveaway! [Here is the post to reblog](http://minamiren.tumblr.com/post/97245411203/free-fanfiction-giveaway) and [here is my blog](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) if you would like to enter!

You freeze after this thought, chewing at your lip anxiously as you watch Karkat, still curled up in the bed ~~not adorably~~ with the blankets all pulled up around his chin. You want to get into bed, you really do—to be honest you’re tired as hell and want some rest—but now you’re nervous. Nervous for what, you honestly have no idea.

Maybe you feel like you’re…betraying Karkat’s trust somehow by climbing into bed with him when you might have a crush on him? Except you _don’t,_ so you don’t have a clue what you’re even worrying about!

So you just slip into bed, carefully. Your bed really isn’t made for two people- it’s literally just one twin bed, so Karkat alone would have been enough for the bed. As it is, you’re forced to crawl under the blankets next to Karkat and lay so close that you can feel his body warmth from where you are- your shoulder is touching his and you are feeling more and more awkward about this.

You’re kind of waiting for Karkat’s snarky comment about how much of a child you’re being, but then you realize that he’s already asleep, inhaling and exhaling slow, steady breaths.

You realize that you could probably get away with at least kissing the top of his head and he would never know.

You promptly turn the other direction, laying on your side and facing your door, away from Karkat. There would be no kissing going on—secret or otherwise! You didn’t want kissing going on, either! At all. Yeah.

You close your eyes, trying to think about _anything_ other than Karkat as you attempt to finally drift off to sleep.

Mostly, you miserably fail at this, though about an hour later you can feel your eyelids start to get heavy after the fifth repeat of “How Do I Live” playing in your mind.

Finally. You’re gonna get some blessed sleep, and you can try to sort this shit out in the morning.

That’s when you feel a movement—a slight give in the mattress and a rustle of the bedsheets that means Karkat is moving, and suddenly you can feel him.

You can feel his warmth strengthen as he shifts closer, smooshing his cheek against your back. Karkat is naturally warm, though at this point you are reasonably sure that you are burning far hotter than he is at the moment.

You force yourself not to move as you feel one of Karkat’s hands touch your side, then snake around your waist, keeping you close to him. Holy shit.

It is about then that you remember something slightly important—Karkat is a huge cuddler. You found this out the first time he spent the night at your house, when he demanded an extra pillow that he could sleep with just so that he didn’t “attempt to hug your sorry ass or some other freaky shit.” However, the both of you have seemed to forgotten this fact, until you remembered just now.

You glance down, face burning as you look at Karkat’s arm wrapped around you, the soft glow from the light in the hallway (that you could totally use as an excuse to get out of Karkat’s grip and turn off, but you inexplicably don’t want to) illuminating a row of thin, pearly scars, a few still unhealed cuts.

It’s then that you realize the amount of trust that Karkat is putting into you.

He’s trusting you to sleep with him, and not try anything. He’s trusting you to see his eyes for what they are, and he’s told you about his secret. He ate dinner with you despite the fact that you haven’t seen him eat lunch in school for weeks, and he purposely brought a short-sleeved shirt to sleep in.

If you were Karkat, you’re not entirely sure you would have been able to do that so quickly.

So you close your eyes, relaxing into Karkat’s gripas you slowly drift off to sleep, content smile on your face.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You wake in a very different position.

As you come to consciousness, you make a soft noise—some sort of a cross between ‘mmmmm’ and ‘uuuugh’—and just press your face more against the soft pillow in front of you in order to block out the insistent light of the air.

“John.” The voice is slightly muffled.

“Mmnnnnaugh, what?” you mumble in response to the voice, not even bothering to open up your eyes and look up your surroundings.

You hear a sigh. “Would you kindly cease nuzzling my damn hair and let me up, so that I can get dressed?”

You yawn, blink blearily. As you do so you are confronted with a mop of messy black hair, barely a millimeter of root a pale white color. Karkat’s hair.

Karkat himself is no longer pressed against your back. Your arms are around him instead, his face is pressed against your chest, his hands curled up just underneath his chin. For a moment, you are thankful for how comfortable this position is, and glad that you are in it. The next, your eyes are widening as you realize _shit_ you are totally cuddling Karkat without permission and he asked you to let go of him!

You pull your arms away quickly, sitting straight up and squinting at the barrage of light that your uncurtained window gives to your poor eyes. Everything not within about three feet of you is a blur, and the pale morning light is accompanied by a subtle sort of damp chill that tells you that it is still early in the morning.

That, and the annoying as hell birds that are chirping outside your window.

“Fuck, Karkat, I’m sorry! I totally did not realize I was doing that and—mmmmmph!“ Karkat’s hand covering your mouth effectively cuts off what is sure to become an embarrassing, poorly constructed babbled apology.

“Save it, Egbert,” he tells you tiredly, now sitting up as well. He’s moved to face you on the bed, legs crossed. His hand is still placed firmly over your mouth, and he’s apparently not intending on moving it very soon for fear of you opening your trap again. “You’re not even nearly the worst of it,” he says, and is he blushing a little bit? You can’t tell. “I woke up cuddled to you like all hell because of that shitty habit I developed as a child, and it’s only as I pulled away that you turned around and snuggled up to me like some fucking lovesick puppy.”

You blink. Try to speak, but only manage to get out a string of “Armph grul ro mrow.”

You smirk against his palm, then open your mouth and lick a huge, wet stripe up his hand.

His eyes widen and he reels back violently, narrowly managing to avoid toppling clean off the bed as he aggressively rubs his palm against the sheets. “YOU ETERNALLY OBTUSE DICKFUCK, I DON’T REMEMBER YOU HAVING THE PROCESSING CAPABILITIES OF A SIX YEAR OLD! YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PIECE OF URINE-SATURATED SHIT; I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE YOU!” He stops, takes a huge breath, calms down. “Try not acting like you’re a third of the age that you are next time, dumbass,” he tells you, in a much more inside-appropriate voice.

You just sort of roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him, then grin before sighing and glancing at the door. It’s still cracked open like it was the night before, but the hallway lights were off. His dad must’ve come upstairs and turned them off for you.

Shit, your dad might have seen you last night. Awwwww _man,_ that is embarrassing as hell.

You glance back over at Karkat, deciding not to bring that to his attention. It would probably be best not to altogether. No need stressing himself out over anything, not with everything else that Karkat has probably been stressing himself out over!

You lean back against the headboard, and Karkat shifts. He craws closer, turns around, then settles against the headboard next to you.

“Thought you were gonna get dressed?” you ask him, raising an eyebrow. He just shrugs.

“Brought long sleeves and it’s hot as hell. I would rather wear these as long as I can, now that I think about it,” he confesses to you, and you get this warm feeling inside of you. Not that he had a reason to wear long sleeves in the first place, but that he trusted you enough not to want to wear them around you. Sure, it may just be because you know already, but still.

You tilt your head to the side. “Wanna borrow one of my shirts? You can wear your own shorts, but I can lend you something of mine. It’ll be cleaner.”

“Cleaner sounds like a relative term here,” he tells you pointedly, and you pout at him before he groans. “Okay, fine. Give me something to put on before I suffocate everyone in the room with my dirty-ass clothes.”

You laugh a little bit and playfully ruffle his hair (just the way it pisses him off because you’re an asshole), and you go to your drawers. You pull out a dark blue t-shirt and toss it at Karkat’s face. He reaches for it, misses, and it hits him right in the face. You snigger at him.

He flips you off. “Shut the hell up,” he shoots at you before pulling off his shirt. You try to be a gentleman and avert your eyes, but you honestly don’t do very good at this.

Karkat’s attractive. He’s too skinny, short, and his arms are lined with scars, but he’s attractive. You don’t know why you’re thinking this. 

You’ve never thought it before.

This bond is completely screwing you over and you feel like simultaneously punching a wall and running over and kissing Karkat.

You do neither, of course. Instead, you pull out a shirt for yourself and a pair of pants, and by the time you’ve gotten them both pulled on and turned around, Karkat is luckily already changed and facing you. He’s giving you this _look_ and his cheeks are a little red, but you don’t really have the social tact to be able to figure out what it’s for, so you pretty much decide to just discard it.

“Well, what now?” you ask him slowly.

He shrugs, tilting his head to the side. “I dunno. You expect me to decide everything that we’re going to do for the rest of this month?” he asks you pointedly, raising an eyebrow at you.

“No!” you protest, crossing your arms. “I just…I’m not sure what we should do, you know?”

And then an idea hits you, and you grin widely. “I’m gonna take you on a date!” you declare, and Karkat just. Blinks. Sits there.

“What.” It’s not even a question. You’ve caught him completely off guard, and your prankster’s gambit rises just a bit with this extra bit of knowledge.

“I’m going to take you out to eat breakfast for a date,” you repeat, reaching forward and grabbing Karkat’s hand impulsively. You pull him off the bed and he stumbles a bit, but you just keep pulling him forward.

“John, what the hell are you-“

“We’re boyfriends now, right?” you ask him with a grin, though when Karkat doesn’t answer you falter. You pause, turn back around and glance at Karkat, worrying at your lip. “Aren’t we?”

Karkat hesitates for a moment- it looks like he’s having some sort of internal conflict. “Y-yeah,” he finally grits out, his voice slightly hoarse. “For the month, until we get the bond removed, yeah.”

You sigh a bit, wanting to correct him. If. _If_ you get the bond removed. But you don’t say it, because you know that this is as much Karkat’s choice as it is yours. You might have originally thought you were straight, but this bond or something is making you think otherwise.

Not that you have a crush on Karkat! Just that…well, you could appreciate his appearance, and how he acts around you in general. You’re not _opposed_ to dating him.

So you just swallow, and nod, and take Karkat’s hand again from where you had dropped it when you had made sure that you hadn’t labeled your relationship wrong.

“So, where?” Karkat asks.

“What do you mean?”

You can practically feel him mentally facepalming at your incompetence. “Where are you taking me to eat, smartass?” he repeats, and you just glance behind you and shoot Karkat a grin.

“It’s a surprise!” you tell him with a grin.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Fifteen minutes later, the two of you are seated in a booth at Denny’s.

“Why I even thought for a minute that this might be mildly romantic, I have absolutely no idea,” Karkat says dryly, and you cackle into your menu.

“Hey man, Denny’s is the shit and you know it. Cheap breakfast and bacon milkshakes. You can’t do better.”

Karkat turns with renewed interest towards his menu. “Wait, bacon milkshakes? What the- how the fuck do they even get away with such an unholy combination? I mean fries and milkshakes are one thing, but who would put bacon in a milkshake and call that _good_ of their own free will? Like what, did they torture the tasters with fear of feces-flavored milkshakes if they got a bad review or what?”

“Haha, ew,” you laugh, then look up as a waitress comes over to you. She’s dark and short, about your age, with shoulder length black dreads and a heart pin clipped to her shirt. She’s bouncy and happy-looking, and you grin a bit up at her.

“Hello, I’m Nepeta and I will be your server for today. What can I get you?”

“Bacon milkshakes and some original pancakes,” you tell her immediately before Karkat gets a chance to tell you not to. “With orange juice and toast.”

Karkat just groans a bit at your order before looking up at the girl as well. “May I have somee hush puppies?” he asks, and she tilts her head to the side.

“Will that be all?” she asks, and you chime in. “Get him a side of bacon too, and a water. Unless you want juice or a drink?” you double check, though Karkat shakes his head.

“Yeah, that,” he agrees.

“Okay!” she says, brightly closing her little notepad with the order. “Your meals will be right out!”

As she walks off to take the order of another table, Karkat gives you a look, shaking his head and sighing. “You didn’t have to order anything else for me, you know,” he tells you, and you shrug.

“Well, I’m both your boyfriend _and_ your friend. I’m going to do my best to look out for you whether you like it or not, genius,” you respond.

You look up to see Karkat staring down at the spot that his menu used to be. “I don’t get it,” he murmurs.

“What don’t you get?” you respond in curiosity, raising an eyebrow.

He glances up, eyes widening as he realizes you heard him and shakes his head quickly. “Nothing!” he responds hurriedly. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later, I guess.”

You sigh but let it go. Later probably means never, but if Karkat has something that he doesn’t want you to know then you’re not going to pry like an inconsiderate douche about it.

A couple minutes later Nepeta is already returning with your food. See, this is why you like fast food. It’s _fast._ You don’t have to wait forever and a day just to get a bite. Not to mention the fact that it’s cheap and easy.

Also bacon milkshakes.

Karkat refuses to try some when you offer, but hey! That just means more for you. Sweet.

As the two of you start to eat—Karkat on his hush puppies, you on your milkshake because hell yeah dessert first and you don’t want it to melt—another question comes to mind.

“Are you gonna spend the night tonight, too?” you ask around your bite of awesome salty sweet goodness.

Karkat frowns a bit at the question, mulling it over. “Dunno,” is what he finally responds with. “I think I might be going home. My dad’s coming home _tomorrow_ morning and I don’t want to not be there or anything. He’ll probably freak out.”

You try your best not to look disappointed at the news. “Ah, I understand,” you tell him, offering Karkat a little smile. “Well then, I can take you home after this, if you’d like?”

Karkat makes a face. “John, it’s like, seven in the morning—early enough that the birds won’t shut the hell up—and my dad doesn’t get home until tomorrow morning. The least I can do is hang with you until I gotta go home for the night.”

“Wanna go to the arcade and have the movie night we missed last night, then?” you ask him, and your grin should be contagious, with how excited you are about how this day might go.

“Hell yes.”

Oh man, you are so ready for today.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It’s ten at night already, and you can already see the pathetic sprinkle of stars (with the rest masked by light pollution) when you look up into the sky. Damn.

You and Karkat had walked home together—or, to Karkat’s house, of course. You’re dropping him off now, because he had to go home. You probably would have spent the night if you could, except that it was Sunday tomorrow and Karkat had a shitton of homework to catch up on. You would have just ended up distracting him (even if you hadn’t wanted to).

When you arrive on Karkat’s front doorstep, the two of you turn to face each other, one of Karkat’s hands on the doorknob.

“Well.” Karkat coughs, looking off to the side a bit. You’ve come to a bit of an awkward stop—neither of you know what to say anymore, to be honest.

You glance over Karkat, blushing some. You couldn’t help it—not with all the thoughts that have been plaguing you today. With all of the thoughts that have plaguing you ever since you figured out about Karkat being your soulmate.

It had been so nice to sleep with him the night before. Just…next to each other, curled up in each other’s warmth like you had been.

You can’t ever imagine doing…well, _things_ with Karkat. But you _can_ imagine being with him.

And fuck it all, he’s staring at you know because you’ve been goggling at him like a damn idiot as you think all these totally unplatonic thoughts about your best friend and shit you really need to get a grip on yourself. Get a grip on this bond, and get it to stop messing around with your mind!

“So, I’ll see you Monday?” you offer slowly. “You’ll definitely be going to school again, right?” You can’t keep the note of hope out of your voice. You really wanted him to be there, to be honest.

Karkat sighs, shrugging. “Yeah, I guess I’ll be there,” he grumbles. “There wouldn’t be any point not going, other than completely abandoning the fucktrain that is my experience of ‘learning’.” He puts finger quotes around the words and rolls his eyes, which makes you laugh a bit.

“Yeah, schools kind of suck most of the time,” you can’t help but to agree, and Karkat shrugs.

“Not like me not going to school is gonna change that, so yeah. Fucking sign me up for the next five days of complete torture and monotonous tests,” he tells you.

You just grin and ruffle his hair, which causes him to slap your hands away and curse at you. “Yeah, yeah,” you laugh, and then take a step backwards (rather regretfully). “I’ll see you Monday, then. Remember to text me, okay?”

“Voluntarily subject myself to your idiotic blather? When have I not?”

“Point,” you conceded, grinning.

Karkat pulls his keys out of his pocket where he had transferred them from the clothes he had left at your house (you had insisted on washing them and returning them on Monday when you next saw him in person) and unlocks the door.

He goes to step inside, his back is turning to face you and you can’t see his eyes anymore and you know you won’t have a chance to see   
them for a long time now because they’re going to be grey when you see him at school tomorrow and before you know it your hand is on his forearm, effectively stopping him from heading inside of his house.

“John what th-“ Karkat stops, but he’s suddenly cut off.

He’s cut off because you’re kissing him.

You’re kissing him and his lips are warm and soft and _nothing_ like you expected ~~thought about all day~~ and holy shit it’s. It’s amazing. Your arms have come to wrap around his waist and you’re close to him and it’s a little awkward but it’s perfect because it’s _Karkat_ and sure you may have never thought about him this way but-

-but maybe now you are.

And then you’re reeling—your mind is reeling and your _body_ is reeling because you’ve wrenched yourself away from Karkat because _shit._ Shit, he wasn’t responding. He wasn’t responding to your kiss at all, just standing there frozen and taking it and not even pushing you away and you feel like a huge bag of dicks for kissing him without warning, and you take a step back, eyes wide as you almost topple off his doorstep.

“Shit. I, uh-“ You stammer, and Karkat just stares at you, his wide eyes mirroring your own. You can’t even read the emotions in them. Surprise for sure. But what else? You have…no idea. You don’t have a clue about what Karkat is thinking right now and it’s scaring the everloving fuck out of you.

So you take another step back, this time off of the doorstep. “I just thought—that since we were soulmates—“ You can’t even continue. You turn tail and positively run down the sidewalk. Your face is burning and so is your throat and holy shit you can’t be about to _cry_ because of how bad you wanted him to kiss you back, are you?

You feel so bad, fuck.

You’re sorry, too. Sorry for surprising Karkat. Sorry that you didn’t give him a warning. Sorry that you might have totally read too much into things. Sorry because maybe Karkat might have someone else that he cares about.

But you find that you’re not sorry that you kissed Karkat. You’re not sorry in the least about that.

So you run down the sidewalk, feet pounding the ground and blood pulsing in your ears as you come to the realization that you _do_ have feelings for Karkat. It might have been caused by the bond, or the knowledge of it. It might be some stupid ass psychology thing but the feelings are fucking there and they are strong as hell and you can’t ignore them like this.

But you told Karkat that you had just done it because you thought you should because of the bond. And you’re going to stick to that story.

Because Karkat didn’t like you last night, and he sure as hell didn’t act like he liked you tonight.

You’re determined not to act on your feelings at all.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It’s Monday. It’s also seven forty five and you’re fifteen minutes late for first period because you stayed up so late the night before and slept through your alarm in the morning.

You had slept through your alarm waiting for Karkat to text you back. You had stayed up until three in the morning waiting for Karkat to send you a text that he promised, but never gave.

You’re desperately afraid that you’ve fucked things up.

Shit.

When you walk into the classroom (English, bluh), everyone turns to stare at you immediately. Probably because you walking into the room was the most interesting thing that has happened this entire class period. Your English teacher is boring as shit an despite it being Karkat’s favorite subject he even agrees that sometimes he feels like he might fall asleep. It doesn’t help that the class is so early in the morning, either.

Your heart twinges a bit at the mere thought of Karkat. Shit, you’ve got it bad.

Speaking of, he’s in your first period. Sits right in front of you, in fact. Despite the fact that Mrs. Whoever-it-was had absolutely no teaching abilities, she had allowed you to pick your own seats. So you and Karkat had sat together. No one else from your circle of friends was in this class, so the two of you were on your own.

As you walk to your seat, he’s the only one that avoids your eyes. Your face burns as you hand the teacher your tardy slip, then slide into your seat.

Karkat doesn’t look at you the entire class, and you’re scared. When the bell rings he gathers up his stuff and is gone before you can even say anything, even though you have the same second period class as well.

You’re even more scared.

Scared that you’ve fucked up so badly that you’ve lost him, and you won’t be able to get him back, despite the link that connects you. 

Connects you on an physical, emotional, _psychological_ level and you might have lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. That was a ride. I hope you liked it (; Thank you for everything! Every bit of feedback I get on these is so precious to me and it means a lot- bookmarks, kudos, and especially comments. Knowing you guys enjoy this really helps me write more :)


	10. Not Experimenting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter ten! Wow...okay, I seriously never expected to get this far. Thank you so much, anyone who reads this fic and supports it. Seriously.
> 
> Speaking of which, enjoy!

It’s almost lunch. Lunch is right after your fourth period class- three of which you have with Karkat. Two of which you sit either right behind or next to him. And yet you still have not had a chance to talk to Karkat.

You have fourth period with Karkat, actually. He’s about seven seats behind you and to the right, because your dumb calculus teacher decided to order everyone alphabetically. It really sucks and you have absolutely no excuse to talk to Karkat during this class period.

Not that you even know what you would say to him if you had the chance.

Beg him to forgive you? Try to explain? You couldn’t do either of those in school, not without a class full of entirely too nosy students listening to your conversation without your permission. School isn’t very big on the privacy thing, especially when it comes to non-school related topics between two people.

The bell rings without you having paid a bit of attention to the teacher’s review of material for the test tomorrow, which you will probably fail.

Karkat is out the door within ten seconds of the bell ringing, and you have barely even gathered up your things, much less managed to force them into the black hole that seems to be your backpack. Seriously, if you ever put anything smaller than a full out binder in there it seems to manage to completely disappear into a mysterious abyss. Even papers manage to vanish at times. It is a phenomenon that you doubt will ever be explained.

Either way, Karkat made it out of the classroom _way_ before you did. So you just shoulder your backpack and trudge out after him. You’re about ninety percent sure people are wondering what happened between the two of you, because you never fail to leave the classroom together, even if Karkat is insulting the hell at you for something, or you laughing at him as he complains about math.

When you finally get to lunch, Karkat isn’t there. You sigh, then get up to go look for him, when Dave takes you by the elbow and drags you back down.

“Hold up, John,” he tells you, forcing you to sit back down next to him. “Where you headed?” He knows something, you can tell by his tone. 

Dammit, why does he have to have third period with Karkat and not you? You don’t even know what Karkat said! Obviously nothing about his situation, or about being soulmates, but you don’t know what he _did_ say!

You make a face at him, then shrug. “To look for Karkat,” you finally admit. You’re a pretty shit liar and even if you weren’t Dave would be able to tell in a flash that you weren’t telling the truth. You two have known each other for way too long.

“Don’t,” he cautions you immediately after, and you frown at him, starting to get a bit peeved.

“And why shouldn’t I?” you question, unable to keep the defensiveness out of your voice.

You’re about ninety percent sure he’s rolling his eyes behind his shades, as if the reason you shouldn’t go to find Karkat was obvious- which it definitely wasn’t.

“Because he wants to be alone, dipshit,” he tells you, rather unsympathetically. “Kid’s stressed about something you did over the weekend. Hell if I know what it was, but give him a break, okay? You have like, three more hours of the day for him to approach you. And eight more hours the next four days of school after you. Give him a bit to calm down, and then you talk. It’s not smart to just force him to talk about something when emotions are high and no one is thinking straight the way they would be if they weren’t stressed and confused.”

This gives you pause.

Dave actually…well, he had a point. After last weekend, there was a lot of shit going on between the two of you. To be honest, you could probably both use a break. It would give the two of you time to think, and you time to sort things out in your mind.

About what you will say to Karkat when you next see him. About how you feel about him.

One thing is for sure: you don’t plan on telling Karkat about your feelings for him when you see him next. Not if it’s going to tear an even bigger rift between the two of you. You’re just not prepared to deal with that.

So instead of rashly running after Karkat like you would do under any other circumstance, you take a breath and sit down, scowling at your food uncharacteristically. “Fine,” you grumble.

Dave shrugs a little bit. “Hey, I can’t say I know what happened between you, because I don’t, but give him a break. It’s gonna work out and you can’t make him want to talk to you on any schedule but his own.”

You nod some at this, making a bit of a face. “I’m pissed at myself,” you finally admit, opening up your bag of chips and taking one, then offering Dave another.

You find yourself spilling out the truth to Dave, albeit an extremely roundabout version of it. “I did something impulsively, then I lied about why I did it to him. And I don’t even know what would have been worse, if I had told him the truth or the lie. And I can’t tell him the truth now. But I’m afraid I hurt him with the lie. Except maybe I didn’t—maybe I just confused him with what I did. Maybe- ow, Dave!“

A punch to the shoulder interrupts your mini rant of confusion.

“Dude, calm it,” he tells you, turning to his shitty cafeteria food. “This is Vantas we’re talking about. He’ll come round. And if you hurt him, just apologize, genius. Then tell him the truth, because you two are best bros and he deserves to know the truth about whatever the hell is bothering you.”

You bite your lip, then nod at this. Dave’s words made sense, they really did.

You just wish you were as sure of yourself as Dave seemed to be.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It’s Friday.

Karkat isn’t ignoring you as much—isn’t ignoring you at all anymore, actually. He’s perfectly civil. You just feel this sort of…distance. Like he’s putting an emotional barrier between the two and it’s _frustrating_ you.

Especially because you realize time is slipping away from you. It’s already been a week. There’s only two weeks best until you have to break the bond. You realize that for you, this isn’t a choice of whether or not you will accept Karkat or not anymore.

It’s a test of whether or not you can get Karkat to fall in love with you.

And you know—you _know_ that you’re probably not thinking straight. That something is affecting you—whether it be the bond affecting you early, or something psychological, or something else. You’ve never felt like this for Karkat before. Not for a guy before _at all._ It’s confusing the everloving fuck out of you but you’re not prepared to let go.

You understand that you might end up with Karkat for the rest of your life if you don’t break the bond.

But you also understand that you are almost okay with that. That scares you a bit, but it’s the truth.

So after school on Friday, you make sure that you call out to him on the way out, shouldering your backpack and dashing out into the hallway after him.

“Karkat!”

Karkat turns around at the sound of his name, raising an eyebrow at you. “Yeah, John?” he asks you. You realize that he hasn’t called you by   
your last name as much as he used to in the last week, and you’re not sure how you feel about that.

“You’re coming over tonight, right?” you ask him. You probably were very unsuccessful at keeping the hope out of your voice. You just really wanted to spend some time with your—with your boyfriend, okay? No one could blame you for that! Even if you technically weren’t supposed to have any sort of emotional attachment to him.

Karkat seems to pause, contemplating something, until he just shrugs and nods, shouldering his backpack. “Yeah, sure. Why the fuck not? I have nothing better to do than subject myself to your combined barrage of sexual harassment and linguistic failures.”

You can’t help but to wince at his words as you start to walk, exiting the school. Your home was too close to bother driving or taking a bus. 

“About that,” you start slowly, chewing on your lip in a nervous habit that you acquired who-knows-when but has become something that you don’t know what you would do without. “I. I’m sorry.”

Karkat glances over at you, then back to the sidewalk. “Apology accepted.”

You blink. “Wait, what?” you can’t help but to ask, just a little bit befuddled as to why he seemed to forgive you for what you did without his permission so easily. “You’re gonna forgive me? Just like that?”

“Yeah, why not?” he frowns. “Would you rather me shit an entire bag of raging snakes as I impersonate a bag of dicks while I yell at you for doing something that you’re technically fully entitled to do, and I should have been expecting? You’re experimenting, John. I get it.”

Wait, what?

Karkat turns around to give you an exasperated look, and you realize that you’ve stopped walking. “Are your legs unable to make the simple movement that it takes to bring yourself forward? Because if they’re not, I’m just going to ditch you. I’m not waiting for you and it’s cold as fuck right now.”

“I’m not experimenting,” you say blankly.

Karkat’s eyebrows knit together and he tilts his head to the side. “What?” he grits, as if he doesn’t remember what he had said only moments before.

“I’ve never been with a guy before, but I’m _not_ experimenting,” you say earnestly. You throw your arms up in the air as you begin walking again. “Jeez, Karkat! I thought you knew me better than that! I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that, whether you liked me or not! I just thought-“ you falter. Swallow. Try again. “Thought that it would be okay, because of the bond. We can’t consider this unless we at least make an effort to act like we should be, right?”

You’re an utter moron, you know it. Blaming your attraction on the bond? Telling Karkat you don’t really want to kiss him, that you just wanted to act like you should because of the bond? Those were dick moves because you were scared, and you knew it.

But as you look over, Karkat is nodding as if he understands the point that you’re trying to make.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “That makes sense.” He frowns at you as you turn into your driveway, heading up to the front door, where you dig out your keys before letting the both of you inside. Your dad is still at work, like he always is on Fridays. “So we act like a normal, functional couple that actually show some sort of romantic interest in each other while you’re completely straight and will never see me in that light?   
Makes sense.”

_Oh._ There was the bitterness in his voice that you hadn’t caught in his expression.

You knew how much of a romantic Karkat was. How much he loved watching those shitty movies, and how much he wanted his own relationship to be like that. You realize that you kinda have been fucking up royally for the past week. You only have fourteen more days to amend this.

But you’re also a little frustrated with Karkat, because of one little reason.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You snap, and wow, you did not mean for that to come out as rudely as it did. But you’re not going to stop to apologize—not yet. Not until you say your piece. “You keep going on and on about the same thing, Karkat! Every single fucking time a problem comes up, or one of us wants to try something, or even when this entire thing started, you keep bringing up the whole not-a-homosexual card! Did you not hear what I said _last_ Friday, when we talked about this for the first time? I said that I _wasn’t_ opposed to this. As in, it is my choice to date you. What more do you want? Do you want me to tell you I’m not heterosexual? Would that piece of verbal assurance satisfy you, or do you need more?”

You realize that Karkat’s staring at you with wide eyes, as if he never expected this sort of outburst from you, but you just jab a finger at his chest.

“Well then, hear me out!” Your words come out sharp, your eyes narrowed. “I. Am. Fine. With. Being. Attracted. To. You. Maybe that makes me not heterosexual. Newsflash: I don’t care. I don’t care what sexuality I am, Karkat, just like I’ve never cared what sexuality you were. I just _thought_ I was straight. Maybe not. Maybe, just _maybe_ I’m willing to take a chance for you. Now think about that, and decide if you’re going to be willing to try in return, got it?”

Karkat’s still staring at you, his jaw now slightly dropped. Suddenly, he freezes, pulls his jacket farther around his shoulders and looks towards the ground. “You’re right,” he says in a low voice, and you can tell that he’s not being sarcastic here. He actually agrees with you. “I   
was being a selfish asshole ‘cause I thought you were just trying to… _indulge_ me or some shit. I just don’t get it. You’re too nice for your own damn good, Egbert,” he says to you, but you just flash him a grin.

“Not my fault,” you say playfully, and he rolls his eyes, seeming to relax a bit.

He takes a step toward you, and you can’t really tell what you see in his eyes. Well, you think you can, but you’re also like, ninety eight percent sure that you’re wrong. Because Karkat has never been attracted to you in your life.

He swallows, and you watch his throat as it moves, and you do your best not to do anything awkward—like start babbling, because that’s definitely something that you would do in a situation like this. Karkat is totally in your personal space right now and you’re torn between being over the moon and backing away because you don’t know what he’s planning.

He’s blushing. You realize that you are, too.

“You wanna act like regular soulmates, right?” he asks you, though his voice is lacking a bit of the harshness that you’re used to.

You nod slowly.

Karkat closes his eyes, takes a breath, then opens them again. They’re grey, but you can picture the red in your mind that you know is   
under the muted color as clear as day, despite having barely having seen them for more than twelve hours. “Kiss me, then,” he orders you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though I doubt this needs repeating by now, I am [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr, and there I can answer questions, take little minific requests, as well as actually post earlier than I do here! So you're welcome to follow, or even send a message just to say hi.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for commenting/kudoing this fic! Every bit of feedback I get I appreciate :) so thank you!


	11. "Kiss Me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers kisses* 
> 
> That is all you need to know.

And…wow, you really don’t know how to react to that. You blink for a moment, then turn _way_ redder than you were about five minutes ago. _”What?”_ you sputter, taking a step back before realizing that your back was actually pressing against your doorway, and Karkat literally has you pressed against the wall. 

Dammit, this isn’t allowed to be hot! Karkat isn’t allowed to be attractive like this.

Fuck, you are so screwed. Metaphorically.

Your brain seriously needs to shut up.

Karkat rolls his eyes as if you are an idiot (which he seems to be doing a lot of lately, the thought has not escaped you), then just takes another step forward to make up for the one that you’ve taken back. You’re pressed against the doorway and Karkat is _almost_ touching you but not quite and you honestly don’t know what to think of this entire situation.

“Kiss me, John. Or are your auditory receptors in as poor a working order as your eyes are when they don’t glasses to see through?”

You frown. “My eyes aren’t that bad!”

Karkat gives you a flat look, clearly conveying that was not the point that he was attempting to make to you. “Kiss me,” he repeats, his hands coming up to rest on your shoulders. Yours automatically move downward to rest on his waist. Damn you, hands. You were totally moving without permission.

“Why are you-“ You trail off and shake your head, honestly confused. What was Karkat even _going_ for here?

“You want this to be like a regular soulmate relationship, you said,” he repeats your words patiently—a trait rarely found paired with Karkat’s name. “And that’s why you kissed me last time. I’m giving you a chance to do it again. So it won’t be a fucking surprise and it won’t have flown in from left field and knocked me in the head without so much as a whistle of wind to announce its presence.”

You hesitate, biting your lip. “Are you sure you-“

Karkat’s lips cut yours off.

In the back of your mind you’re aware that things are becoming more and more complicated by the second, but right now you let your thoughts short right out. In favor of Karkat’s lips on yours.

And holy shit, they should not feel as good as they did.

They shouldn’t, especially when you don’t have a clue what’s happening or _why_ Karkat’s kissing you and this time you’re the one that isn’t responding, stiffening up as Karkat draws closer to you. But your apprehension doesn’t last long—along with your will. You find yourself closing your eyes and drawing your arms farther around him, resting your hands at the small of his back as you finally reciprocate the kiss and-

Wow.

You really don’t actually have a word for how fucking amazing this feels. Yes, you’ve kissed people before. You knew kissing felt good. But it was never like _this…_

Nothing has ever felt the same way that Karkat’s lips on yours felt, breath warm and moist and mingling with your own as he seems to draw back, press closer for more, pull away again. You pull him closer, flush against you, and slide a hand into his hair, using it as a hold to angle Karkat’s head and _fuck yes._

Your lips are slanted against his and you’re panting and you’re getting _way_ too carried away with this holy shit you need to stop before your body just goes ahead and does whatever the fuck it wants to without your consent.

You force yourself to place your hands on Karkat’s shoulders, push him back. He _whines,_ all needily and you almost give in and just let him push you against the door and kiss you some more (hnnngh brain stop wanting that so badly).

“Karkat,” you manage, and he’s practically pouting as he looks up at you, though he’s also panting and scowling a bit and the look is just so _Karkat_ that you quirk a small smile at him. “Karkat, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” you manage after a moment of putting your thoughts together. Maybe not the best way you could have worded it, but then again, your brain is kind of fuzzy from kissing.

“What do you think I’m doing, John? I’m trying to fucking be normal! Isn’t this what you wanted, or did you decide that you’re _not_ actually in favor of this faux relationship?” he snaps at you, and you kinda wish your brain would stop for a little bit, because you just want to kiss him to shut him up again. You have some serious self-control issues that need to be addressed when it came to your crush on Karkat.

You shake your head exasperatedly. “In a real relationship, you don’t just make out if you don’t want to make out!” you exclaim as a last-ditch effort to get Karkat (and yourself) under control.

Karkat seems to freeze a little bit at this, but then he snickers. “What are you talking about, John? I’m pansexual and you know it. Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean that I’m not interested in making out with a guy. Especially if he’s such a good kisser, and decided to go ahead and steal my first kiss. Not to mention you’re probably the only person on this dirtbag of a planet that’s willing to kiss me.”

Yeah, you actually feel a bit of guilt at that. Karkat deserved to have his first kiss with someone he actually liked.

Though that wasn’t enough to quell your pissed off feelings at these words. “What? So first you thought you’d never have a soulmate, then you do, and you don’t want them! Then you get fucking stuck with them, so you decide to just use them for your _pleasure?_ I’m sorry, but that’s screwed up and- and just, no! I won’t kiss you! I refuse!” You stamp your foot on the ground, and you’re aware that you look rather childish but you don’t actually care at the moment because you are determined to get your point across.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Karkat asks with a bit of a frown, and you just make a frustrated noise, not even knowing what to say anymore. Because you like Karkat- you _really_ like him, but you don’t want him to know.

When you don’t answer, Karkat shrugs. “I thought so,” he says, and he reaches up. He wraps his arms around your neck, pulling you closer, and you’re suddenly nose-to-nose. He tilts his head, this time giving you a warning that he’s going to kiss you again, and giving you the chance to push him away.

You see a flicker in his eyes, almost like…fear? Like he’s afraid that you’re going to push him away. But that can’t be right, because Karkat is only doing this because this is his only chance to kiss someone, and no other reason. You’re just seeing your own false hopes reflect in his eyes.

You feel kind of like a dick for doing this, but you don’t push Karkat away this time. This time, you let your arms wrap around his waist, closing your eyes as you lean back against the door. You let Karkat push you up against it, chest pushing against yours and hips pushing against yours and you can feel the heat of his body and his mouth against yours and then you part your lips and

_fuck._

Karkat’s tongue is in your mouth.

Karkat isn’t all that experienced with kissing—hell, you are perfectly aware that you are Karkat’s first (and possibly only) kiss. But there’s _something_ about it, just something about the way his tongue moves in your mouth that feels so fucking amazing.

You had heard in the past that being kissed by your soulmate felt like the best fucking thing on the planet. You hadn’t believed it until now.

You slide your hand up, burying your fingers in his hair as you kiss him, guiding him as you move your lips against his. You hear him gasp into your mouth as you do this, and all you can do is take the reaction as an incentive to move forward when-

Shit.

This. This isn’t what you wanted. You didn’t _want_ to be making out with Karkat like this, not if he didn’t actually like you. Not if he didn’t want to be your soulmate, never mind that he didn’t think that you wanted to be his!

So you gasp as you push him away, this time even more forcefully by the shoulders. You can tell Karkat doesn’t want to pull away. _You_ don’t want him to pull away—not with how attractive he looks from how his hair is all mussed up from your grip. Not with how the heat of his mouth against yours is burned into the back of your mind, and you know that you won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. But you keep him away. You can’t. You _won’t._ You’re better than this!

You’re determined to get Karkat for real.

“I—I can’t,” you say weakly, and you know it’s a shitty excuse—especially because you’re sure that your pupils are dilated, that your tone easily betrays how much you want to keep kissing him. But it’s the best you’ve got.

He doesn’t have the reaction you’d expect. You’d expect him to get frustrated, yell at you. Point out how obviously you were enjoying the kiss. But instead, he seems to crumple in on himself a bit, and you have this feeling that you’ve done something terribly wrong, even though you don’t have a clue what it is.

“I see,” he says, and his voice is clipped—hoarse too, hnnngh, you wanna kiss him again—but he sounds simultaneously like he almost _expected_ this. “The bond?” he asks, and gives you a wry grin. “Told you it was gonna start fucking around with your brain, making you act like a fool in front of both yourself and me,” he tells you, and your stomach drops.

He thought that the _bond_ was making you want to kiss him. That it was somehow affecting you, even though he said it shouldn’t be completely formed for another two weeks!

You only have two weeks.

But it wasn’t the bond! You wanted to kiss him—who cares that you never did before you realized the bond?! Maybe, just _maybe,_ the bond made you realize that you had feelings for Karkat already! Because you really, _really_ like him and you’re just so damn frustrated that he won’t realize this, and he’s sitting there kissing you and saying that he doesn’t like you and saying that the bond is controlling your thoughts!

“It’s not the bond,” you say coldly, raising your chin as you step around him, so that you can head up the stairs at the slightest word from Karkat. You’re kind of pissed—ready to completely shut him out, even though that’s the last thing that you want to do. “What I’m saying is that if this is going to be a relationship, we’re going to do what we _both_ want to do. Not just for physical reasons.”

Karkat swallows, seems to shrink in on himself even more at this. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, and okay, you kind of feel like shit. Yet again. Because your words upset Karkat—but you’re going to stand by them.

You rake your fingers through your hair in frustration, and glance around exasperatedly. “We have two more weeks, Karkat. Try to. Think about this, or something. Cause I don’t know what to do and you’re my _soulmate_ and that has to mean _something,_ right?” You’re fishing desperately for the right thing to say, but you just don’t know what it is.

Karkat flinches a bit at your words, then seems to lash back. “You know what, Egbert? Fuck you! I’m too fucked up to have a soulmate, this was all fate’s shitty way of making a pass at me, because this was _never_ meant to be! I’ve made my decision, I’m just waiting to you to realize what yours needs to be!” he snarls at you, and your eyes widen as you step back.

“I—what?” you ask him, mind reeling as you suddenly don’t understand anything anymore.

“I didn’t ask for this bond!” he shouts, and you can hear how he’s practically choking back tears. “All I wanted was to be normal! I wanted normal hair, normal skin, normal fucking eyes and I didn’t get any of that! I wanted to use the shitty blade that I have under the counter of my sink, and I _can’t_ do that because it will hurt someone else! You’re not the only person dealing with this shit, you complete, utter, inept sack of shit! So suck it the hell up and stop complaining!”

You’re gathering Karkat into your arms before you even think. “I’m so, so sorry,” you’re saying into his hair. “I know, I’m complete shit. I totally have just been thinking of myself this entire past week and I’m a huge douche for doing that, especially when I should be using this time as your soulmate to encourage you. I can’t. I can’t fix you, but fuck if I don’t want to help you.”

Karkat’s stiff in your arms, and you hear him take a deep breath before he slowly relaxes into your hold, his arms wrapping around you as he leans into you. It’s as if he melts into your arms—the two of you are pressing into each other, sharing each other’s warmth and it’s so much more intimate than your hug even a week before, even if neither of you actually realize this until later.

“You’re an asshole,” he says grudgingly, and you know you’re forgiven for pretty much treating Karkat like shit.

“Yeah,” you say simply, shrugging a bit. “Do you…wanna start over?”

He pulls back some, and raises an eyebrow at you. “From when? The part where I rant about how much of a sack of shit I am, or the part where you tell me that you _don’t_ actually want to make out with me?”

You roll your eyes. “Neither, smartass,” you shoot in return, then gesture helplessly. “Just, with. All of this. This relationship. I know we only have two more weeks and that’s not a lot of time, but I was just hoping…”

Karkat rolls his eyes, reaching up to lightly pop your nose with his hands. “Yes, John. We can try to act like normal boyfriends if you want. Who only do what they want to do with each other. In which case, I’m going upstairs. To bed. Mind if I steal some of your clothes? I’m tired as hell and I could honestly not care any less that it’s only five in the afternoon. In fact, I care so little that I’m going to make history. I’m going to be in the fucking Guinness Book of World Records for being the ‘least caring’ human being. Okay, I’m just going to take a shirt. See you when you decide to go to bed,” he says, pretty much all in one go. He doesn’t give you much of a chance to answer him.

Though you can’t help but be kind of excited to see Karkat in your shirt. It was really nice last time (and the way Karkat said it, it sounds like he’s just gonna be in it and his boxers. Ugh).

You follow him up the stairs, shrugging as he turns around and gives you a questioning look. “I could use some sleep, too,” you say simply.

“If you say so,” he grumbles, heading into your room and immediately going to your dresser. He’s looking through it before pulling out a solid grey shirt (which you didn’t even know you had), and then he disappears into the bathroom, presumably to change.

Damn. Chance to watch Karkat without a shirt lost right there. You feel slightly disappointed and just a little cheated.

You quickly change yourself, sort of ditching your pants and shirt on the ground as you pull on your own, then crawl into bed. You’ll get them later. Because you’re a lazy piece of shit like that.

Karkat knocks before coming back in, sighing as he sees you already in bed. “You know that I’ll probably end up clinging like a koala with its mother if I get in there with you, right?” he asks, and you wrinkle your nose.

“I’m not your mother, I’m your boyfriend,” is your response, and he sighs before he seems to give in. He crawls into bed after you, then turns away so that he’s not facing you. You consider wrapping an arm around his waist, but figure that’d be pushing your luck.

“Good night, Karkat,” you murmur. There’s no answer.

He’s already asleep. Woah. For someone who rarely gets sleep, he sure can fall asleep quickly if he really wants to.

Without being able to help it, you lean forward, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, then settle back down behind Karkat. You drift off slowly, reassuring yourself that you won’t fuck this up. You’ll get Karkat to love you. You’re sure of it.

You don’t see Karkat open his eyes after you fall asleep, fingers moving up to touch the spot that you kissed on his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for this! All of your support helps (kudos, comments especially, even just hits), so I appreciate this! [Minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr for all who want earlier content, to ask questions (or just tag me if you want me to see something!) Again, I'm glad that you read it, and I hope the next chapter will be coming out soon!


	12. More Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John seeks help from Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, despite infections and broken spacebars and out-of-alignment spines, I bring to you chapter 12 of the soulmate au! We’re getting closer to the end here- anyone who has stuck with me all this time, thank you so much. I appreciate you all.

When you wake up the next morning with an arm wrapped around your waist and a head tucked against your chest, you can’t say that you’re particularly surprised. You have your own arms around Karkat—one pillowed under his head, and another holding him against you.

If anything, you think, it feels _right._ Like this is something that has happened before more than once, like this isn’t only the second time that you’ve woken up in each other’s arms. The thought scares you a bit—scares you, but at the same time, makes you feel relieved—because it’s just another indicator to you that you are doing the right thing by pursuing this relationship.

You can only hope that Karkat learns to feel the same within the next two weeks. You can’t help the nagging voice inside your head telling you that he’s going to decide that this isn’t worth it and that you need to break the bond.

Pale light is seeping through the curtains covering your window, casting your room in dark shadows and hues, as well as a soft pale light. You can look down at Karkat, see how he _did,_ in fact, dye his hair, though he had appeared to have just recently touched it up. Probably since you said something about it.

It’s nice. Really nice, to just lay here with Karkat curled against you. He’s ridiculously cute while he’s sleeping, long lashes dusting his cheeks as he smooshes his face against your chest.

You have to _seriously_ repress the urge to brush your lips against his forehead—but you’re glad you manage it, because a moment after you fight down the urge, Karkat shifts, yawning. He makes this adorable sleepy sound as he burrows his head against you before slowly opening his eyes.

“John?” he asks softly, then blushes as he realizes the position that the two of you are in. He then tenses a bit against you—obviously he had momentarily forgotten that you didn’t always sleep like this. 

But he doesn’t pull away, and you don’t either.

It surprises you, a bit. That he doesn’t really pull away, and instead slowly relaxes in your arms yet again. You wonder what changed from last night—or if he was just naturally cuddling in the morning. Because you know that he would not have considered snuggling with you like this the night before. Or you’re at least pretty sure?

“Yeah?” you breathe in response, raising an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Karkat opens his mouth, then shakes his head. “Nevermind,” he mumbles, nuzzling into you. He’s all kittenish warmth and you just want to kiss him a lot and tell him how adorable you think he is. Unfortunately, this would be counterproductive to the extremely long conversation that you had the night before, so you restrain yourself.

“I gotta go home soon,” he finally mumbles against your collarbone.

You frown, admittedly pouting a bit. You really kind of wanted to spend the entire day with Karkat—maybe even take him on a date or something? That sounded really nice.

Plus…well, this. Karkat laying against you, perfectly content. He’s relaxed, voice low and soft and drowsy and he’s cuddling you and it just makes you _really_ happy. Like maybe you have a little bit more of a chance than you had originally thought with him. You seriously hope that you do, at least.

“Why do you have to go home?” you manage to ask after a moment, when Karkat doesn’t give you any further information about why he’s intent on leaving so early.

He shrugs a bit, glancing up and making a face as he frowns at you. “Government teacher assigned a shitty ass project. I gotta get started on it if I have any hope of finishing because he seems to believe that we have literally no other time-consuming aspect of our lives besides government work. I’m not even fucking going to do _anything_ in my life involving said ‘social studies’ class. I don’t fucking get why I even put the time of day into any of this.”

You sigh a bit, frowning some. “Yeah, that makes sense,” you say slowly. You have a different teacher than Karkat for government (one of the only classes that you have separate), and she hasn’t assigned the project quite yet. At least you know what to look forward to now. Bluh. You’re so not excited.

Karkat sighs some as well, expression still slightly disgruntled, though simultaneously sleepy and cute. “I should probably get up now,” he mutters, though he (again) doesn’t make a movement to pull away from you. You can’t help the slight snicker that escapes your lips, proud of yourself for being comfortable enough for Karkat to not want to pull away from you. At least you think that’s the reason he’s so reluctant to go home. Maybe he just doesn’t want to do government homework.

“Nice work effort,” you giggle at him, and he weakly slaps your shoulder.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes before taking his arm away from your waist. He pushes himself up into a sitting position, yawning widely as he stretches his arms out over his head.

He’s still wearing your shirt and his boxers, and he looks so adorably sleepy in the soft light of morning that you’re stuck fighting down acute waves of the urge to kiss him silly. Or at least plant a kiss on his cheek, like you had done the night before.

But Karkat had been asleep then, and he wasn’t now. So you have to remain strong!

“Shit,” he says with a frown, looking down at himself. “I don’t have anything to wear home.” He slides off your bed, picks his old shirt and pants off the floor. Inspects them for a bit. “It’ll work,” he sighs, and you just roll your eyes before going to your dresser.

“Karkat, here,” you say, throwing a pair of jeans over at Karkat. “They’ll be a little big, but it’ll be fine. And you can keep the shirt.”

Karkat almost seems to blush for a bit, before he just shrugs and picks the jeans up off the floor from where he had let them fall (not having bothered to catch them). “Thanks,” he finally says slowly, starting to struggle into the jeans. “I’ll get these washed and returned to you by Monday,” he tells you, and you grin.

“Mmkay, thanks!” you say happily, nodding at him. You grab yourself a pair of jeans as well and pull them on. You should probably change your shirt (you slept in the one you’re wearing, like Karkat), but you’re just too lazy.

Not to mention that this shirt was all comfy and you could practically still feel Karkat’s warmth in the fabric and YOU’RE REALLY SAPPY, OKAY?! 

You just. You can’t help it. Because you really, _really_ fucking like Karkat and it’s very upsetting knowing that he doesn’t like you back in the same way.

Yet, you remind yourself. Because you are absolutely and fully determined to get him to like you.

Your friends might think you’re weird. Society might not approve. But you really want to keep Karkat. You have no idea why you want to so much, you just know that you do. He’s attractive, sweet at times, can deal with your assholishness and you can deal with his. And also…you really wanna show Karkat that he’s worth a lot more than he seems to picture himself as. Because he always describes himself as some terrible person, almost not even human, and you are convinced that you will show him otherwise.

“-are you even doing, Egbert? It looks like you’re staring straight into the recesses of my mind and it’s wigging me the fuck out so _please_ fucking stop that shit.” Oh. Karkat is talking to you.

You shake yourself out of your thoughts to realize that you’ve kind of been staring at Karkat while you’ve been thinking this, but you just shrug and offer him a sort of smile. You don’t really know how to save yourself from that one. You _were_ staring, after all.

“Oh, sorry,” you say, making a face. 

“Anyway,” he says, obviously slightly annoyed, "I believe that it's about time for me to get the hell out of here. Because I got shit to do and you probably have shit to do and I really don't want to waste time just standing around here like a damn idiot."

You frown a bit, then nod. You _knew_ you had to let him go home, you just didn't want to, okay? 

"Yeah, got it," you agree, offering Karkat a little smile to show that there were no actual hard feelings. You were fine with him leaving, especially if he had work to do—you’d just miss him a little, okay? "See you Monday?"

"Sure," he says waving you off as he tucks his own worn clothes under his arm as he makes sure that he has everything.

"Okay, see you then!" you say with a grin. "Text me when you get home or something if you're free enough for that, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," he grumbles, though you really hope that he actually texts you. You'd probably be severely disappointed if he ignores you for the next two days until Monday rolls around and you see each other in class.

He heads out the door with a wave, and you wait until you hear the click of the front door closing downstairs before you have your phone pulled out and you're dialing.

You know Rose's number by heart, so it's not long before you have your phone held up to your ear as you wait for the click that will signal that she's answered. You just have a few questions for her—about the bond and other stuff like that. You just. Need a bit of things cleared up.

"Hello, John? This is Rose," your friend's voice comes over the phone, and you grin widely.

"Rose! It's nice to see you!" You tell her happily. 

"It's nice to talk to you too, John," she says with a soft laugh. You really love Rose—she’s one of your best friends and she's always there to help you and give you advice when you need it. Some of your friends called her 'batshit insane' or 'scary as hell' but you never really agreed; Rose was really sweet and great in general! "Is there something in particular that you called for?" she asks.

You nod before realizing that she can't actually see you, so you speak up. "Yeah, there actually was. I was kind of wondering if you were free for a little bit? I have a few questions for you."

"Hmmmm," she says slowly, and you bite your lip. You hope you're not bothering her! "Well, I have a date with Kanaya in about half an hour, but I'm free until then. Would that be sufficient time for you?" she asks, and you nod yet again. You seriously need to work on your phone skills.

"Yeah!" you exclaim quickly. "That would be plenty of time."

"Okay, good," Rose replies, and you can practically hear the little smile playing across her lips. "So, what did you want advice on?"

"Weeeeeeeell," you start, drawing out the word in the way that you had picked up from listening to Vriska way too much while you had been dating her (and even when you weren't. She was just very easy to get you stuck in habits that took a while to break). "I was kind of wondering if you could tell me a little bit about soulmates, actually."

You can hear Rose 'hmmmmm' again, as if she's thinking, and you kind of really hope that she can't just see right through your words. Or even if she does, that she doesn't figure out who your soulmate is. Because even if she didn't judge you or anything, if Karkat found out he wouldn't be happy—you promised you'd never tell anyone!

"What would you like to know about soulmates?" she finally asks after seeming to have considered your question for a bit. "The physical aspect of the bond, or the emotional one?"

"The emotional," you reply immediately. "I paid attention enough in school to know about the physical one, but I don't know—well, anything, really—about the emotional part of the bond. I did hear that it takes a month after finding your soulmate for the emotional part of the bond to form, though. Is that true? Why is that?"

Rose laughs softly, and you can picture her smile. "Well, that's actually something that is very easily scientifically explained. The physical part of the bond is formed at birth. However, the _emotional_ part of the bond is formed through contact. The whole month thing is accurate; however, it's an average of the time that it takes for the emotional aspect of the bond to form. For some, it forms much quicker. Others, later. And this all depends on the people in the relationship, how long they have previously known each other, and how willing they are for said relationship."

"What do you mean by that?" you ask slowly, frowning a bit as your eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

"What I mean," she continues patiently. "Is that the emotional pull of the bond doesn't spring into existence. Some pairs go a long time without getting one. The reason is, the bond pulls at emotions that are already inside of the couple. It takes them and strengthens them. You couldn't develop an emotional bond with them unless you truly were looking for a relationship with them in the first place," she explains, and you think you might actually be speechless.

Does that mean...that you've had feelings for Karkat this entire time and you haven't even known until this happened? It took the bond _strengthening_ them for you to realize it. They weren't feelings that appeared out of nowhere, that were created by the bond. They were feelings that were _already_ there. Holy shit. You should...you should tell Karkat this.

"I assume that you have someone that you want to speak to, now?" Rose offers sweetly, and dammit. She totally knew that you were asking unhypothetically. Oh well, you can't bring yourself to care enough right now. You have a boyfriend to call!

"Uh, yeah. Is that—is that okay?" you stammer out, and you can hear another little laugh from Rose.

"Yes, John. That is perfectly fine. Call me and tell me how it goes, okay?"

"Yeah," you agree without really thinking, then bite your lip as you hang up.

It hasn't really been long since you last spoke to Karkat—he hasn't even texted you (if he was going to)—but you need to call him. Need to tell him because _damn_ this could actually change everything.

The phone doesn't ring long before you hear the click of your call being answered. "John?" you hear Karkat's voice through the speaker. "What the hell are you calling me for? I literally just unlocked the front door, are you that much of a needy puppy?"

You laugh a bit, shaking your head (and forgetting for like the third time that no one could see you over the phone). "No. I actually had something that I kind of wanted to say to you," you admit.

"Same, actually," he says grudgingly, and your eyes widen and your heart flutters a bit. Was he...was he going to say that he had decided to keep the bond?

"You first," you end up insisting, purely for this hope.

"We need to get the bond broken."


	13. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus they finally get their acts together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER HERE ON SATURDAY, JUST AS PROMISED!
> 
> Holy shit, I have so much to say. Guess I'll leave it all in the notes at the end. Please enjoy your kisses (and smut).

…What.

You actually freeze at this—staring off at a wall with your mouth working silently, though thankfully Karkat wasn’t there to call you a  
fucking idiot because he couldn’t actually _see_ you at the moment.

"What?" you finally whisper, and you’re surprised that your voice actually works. Because holy shit. Holy shit, Karkat said that he wanted the bond broken.

This isn’t. Isn’t what you wanted, fuck.

"Are your auditory orifices in working condition or do you need to clean them out with a cue tip so I don’t have to repeat myself every five seconds?" Karkat snaps at you. "We need to get the bond broken. Like. Fucking tonight or something."

You actually sit down. Your legs feel a little shaky and you’re one hundred percent sure that if you don’t then you’re going to fall flat on your ass. So you sit back on your bed, still kind of staring out into the middle of fucking nowhere like a damn idiot. Which you kind of are.

"Why?" you breathe, the word just barely escaping through your lips.

You hear Karkat sigh heavily through the other end of the line. “Do you seriously need me to vocalize every single damn reason that this _isn’t_ working out, Egbert?” he says sharply. “How about the fact that you’re not a fucking homosexual? That I’m a mentally screwed teenager with a skewed perception of both reality and romance? How about the fact that I’m a fucked up piece of shit? That you—neither of us—even want this relationship in the first place? Do I even need to keep going, John? This isn’t going to fucking work. It’s not going to work and if we keep trying then this is going to end up in a huge tangle of fabricated threads of feelings that tried to weave together but just ended up turning into a huge fucked-up knot. I’m not going to wait until this bond makes me want to keep you even more. I refuse. So we’re breaking it. And we’re breaking it _tonight._ ”

And his voice hurts. It _hurts_ on this deep emotional level because you can’t do anything but sit there and listen and take it as Karkat just rants about why you aren’t going to work out. Rants about why he will never take you.

And it’s even worse because you know that half of his reasons are wrong—they’re _wrong_ and you know it but you don’t know how to respond! Your eyes burn, and you grit your teeth as you rub at them, convincing yourself that you just. Got an eyelash in your eyes or something, and that was causing the watering. Yeah.

Not because you’re heartbroken.

Not because you wanted Karkat that fucking badly.

But you did, you _do,_ dammit. You want Karkat! You want Karkat and you won’t give him up! He’s fucking wrong. He’s fucking wrong and he broke your heart with his words and you refuse to let him end your bond like this.

You’re determined to make him understand.

You won’t lose him, because you’re pretty fucking sure that you love him. You know that you’re getting there, at least. And you’re determined to stay with him until you can truly fall in love, for real.

As corny as that may sound.

"No," you finally respond, and your voice is slightly clipped—clipped, but your words are completely clear. "No, Karkat."

"No?" he repeats, and you can practically _feel_ his frustration from your end of the line. “No?! What the fuck do you mean, no?! This is my choice! This is a mutual fucking thing and I refuse to let me or this fake ass bond screw with your feelings, or mine, any longer!”

It hits you that Karkat feels something for you—something, and you know that it isn’t something synthesized by the bond. Because of what Rose said. _Fuck,_ you want him here for this conversation but you’re afraid to let him off the line because _you have to get your point across_ and you’re scared that if you don’t do it right now you won’t be able to do it later.

"It’s not screwing with your feelings," you start, but Karkat’s frustrated voice quickly overwhelms your forcibly calm one.

"Not screwing with my feelings?" he asks incredulously. "What the fuck do you mean? We both know that the bond makes people fall in love whether they want to or not and I don’t know about you, but I _don’t_ want that kind of synthesized romance with you whether I have to live by myself for the rest of my live or not! So shut the hell up and smell the damn roses John, because you shouldn’t want something like that either-“

"HOW ABOUT _YOU_ SHUT THE HELL UP, KARKAT!?” Your patience breaks and you yell into the receiver, and you can legitimately hear the crackle that signals Karkat’s mouth snapping shut.

"Now. _Listen,_ ” You hiss at him, gritting your teeth together. “Because I fucking called Rose earlier, and you’re _wrong_ about some things. And I refuse to get this bond broken until you listen to what I have to say.”

"…I’m listening, but that doesn’t mean I’ll acknowledge anything you have to say as relevant to my decision," Karkat finally says, slowly.

"You’re wrong about the bond synthesizing fake emotions, Karkat," you say, and you can tell that the longer you speak the more steady your words are becoming, the smoother and quicker you’re saying them. You’re by no means the eloquent person that Karkat or Rose is, but you’re determined to get your point across.

"It doesn’t do that. It can’t do that, it still uses science. Like Eridan says, the bond isn’t magic. It strengthens chemicals in your brain, can only emphasize things that are already there. You can’t get attracted to someone unless you already were. You can’t fall in love with someone unless you already had, on some level. So people don’t fall in love with each other fake-ly." You cringe a bit, knowing that ‘fakely’ wasn’t a word and Karkat might yell at you, but he doesn’t. He’s…actually listening, for once, and you take a breath as you collect your words again and continue on.

"So this wouldn’t be possible. It wouldn’t be possible for me to like you as much as I already do unless I—unless I already did. My mouth wouldn’t tingle with how much I want to kiss you whenever you’re around if I didn’t already like you. I wouldn’t think you were so amazing and—and cute—unless I already did."

You take a deep breath. “Karkat, you deserve a better confession than the one I’m giving you. You deserve something romantic and personal and actually in real life like in your dumb movies, and I’m not doing that right now but I’m sorry and fuck that because I’m tired of keeping this to myself even though it’s only been a few weeks. I fucking like you, Karkat. I’m not a homosexual, but I sure as hell am not straight either. You’re not a fuckup, and you’re not fucked up. You’re not as bad as you say you are, I swear, and I don’t care if your hair isn’t naturally black and your eyes aren’t naturally grey and I _want_ to stay with you until I fall in love with you all the way. I want to stay with you and convince you that you’re as gorgeous as you think you’re not. Fuck, I just. You may still want to get rid of this bond but. I needed to tell you that. I really, _really_ needed to tell you that first.”

There’s silence through the line.

_Click._

You hold the phone up to your ear until it starts doing that annoying beeping that signals to you that Karkat has disconnected and you’re literally just wasting your time listening to nothing, and then you bring it down. Call Karkat.

He doesn’t pick up. Call again. Still, nothing.

Fuck.

You better not have messed this up even more.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Five minutes later, there’s heavy knocking at your door. Your head snaps up from where you were staring down at your silent phone waiting for Karkat to call you back, and you slowly put your phone down. You stand up as the door is knocked on again, this time a bit more urgently.

Is that…?

Dreamlike, you head down the stairs, the trip to the door seeming so much longer than it should under normal circumstances. But then again, these aren’t normal circumstances, not to you.

You finally get to the door. Open it.

Karkat’s there, just like you had been desperately hoping—yet barely believing—would happen. He’s breathing kind of hard, but there’s no way he could have gotten here in only five minutes. He’s at least ten minutes, and that’s by bike.

"…How?" you finally ask, glancing at the small figure in your doorway, staring up at you with this sort of concentration. "How did you get here?" you finally finish your question.

Karkat showed you a set of keys. “Dad was home. Borrowed his car. Told him it was an emergency,” he says flatly, voice slightly gruff as he looks it over.

"…Is it?" you ask slowly, biting your lip. You don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not, even if it is.

"Kind of," he says, and his voice betrays that he’s almost as hesitant as you. As scared as you.

He feels something for you. What, you don’t have a clue. But he feels _something_ for you and damn if you’re not going to get him to tell you.

"Why?" you breathe slowly, and Karkat shifts in his place still on the doorstep.

"Can I—can I come in before I bare my fucking soul to you and prove myself probably the biggest idiot in the world?" he asks, and you quickly move inside.

His arm brushes yours as he walks in, and you can’t help but shiver, even at this tiny touch. Fuck.

You hope he felt it too. Hope it affected him like it affected you. Maybe more. That sounds…nice.

You shut the door behind him, and turn to look at him.

"Do you really?" he suddenly rushes, and his voice is gritty and his words are pressed together, like the question has been on the tip of his tongue the entire time he’s been driving over here and he’s only just now gotten to ask the question.

"Do I really what?" you ask, suddenly blanking out.

He groans, presses a hand to his face. He pulls it black, revealing cheeks dusted with pink and you inhale a breath because fuck he shouldn’t be so adorable. Shouldn’t look so kissable.

You’re trying to _listen_ to him, dammit, stop trying to imagine how great it would be to kiss him right now!

"Over the phone, dickwad!" he exclaims, lightly slapping the side of your head as if that will make you remember any better instead of just losing more brain cells. "Is what you said true?! Do you really-" He cuts off, as if he’s too embarrassed to finish his sentence.  
You decide to be an asshole and mess with him a bit. You hold back your grin (barely), and say, “Do I really what, Karkat?” You keep your voice innocent, acting as if you’re really confused.

"Did you mean what you said when Rose said that feelings couldn’t come from nowhere? That they had to be there before? Did you mean it when you said you liked me? Fucking dammit, Egbert, I swear if you are yanking my metaphorical chain I will snap harder than an overstretched rubberband and I pray for anyone who has to feel the sting that will be my wrath. Hint: that person will be you. If you are messing with me," he hisses, taking a step forward and pressing a finger to your chest.

You respond by slipping your arms around his waist now that he’s close enough, unable to even help yourself. “Yeah,” you breathe. “I mean it.”

He’s tense in your hold, and he’s scowling up at you, but he seems to melt in your arms at the words. You feel him lean against you a bit, though he’s still a little reserved.

"I’ve liked you," he breathes. "Since the beginning of high school, I’ve had this dumb fucking crush on you and it just kept getting worse and you’re fucking _straight_ and then we turned out to be soulmates and—and I was hurting you by hurting myself—and it was like a dream come true but it was a fucking _nightmare_ because I’m not going to let some stupid bond make you fake fall in love with me. I fucking refuse.”

But he doesn’t pull away, and you don’t let go. “It’s not fake, Karkat,” you respond, voice gentle. You reach up with one hand, cradling Karkat’s cheek and tilting his chin up to look you in the eyes. “And the fact that the bond’s already started messing with both of us? It’s an even better sign. That this. This can work. So. Will you be my boyfriend. Like, for real?”

Karkat inhales slowly, exhales. Closes his eyes and nods. “Yes. I will be your real boyfriend, because I want to and not just because a bond says that I should.”

You giggle some, unable to help the grin that splits your face. You’re just so happy, already at these words—filled with this elated feeling, like you’re floating.

"Does that mean I can kiss you?" you ask hopefully, and Karkat rolls his eyes.

"You’ve already done that plenty. Including my cheek last night when you thought I was asleep." You blush at this—you hadn’t thought that he had been awake, damn—but he continues. "But. Please fucking kiss me, John," he hisses, finally pressing close to you. "I’ve been dreaming about kissing you for years, so you better fucking do it now."

You turn red at this, but nod. Angle your head, close your eyes. Karkat’s are already closed.

Your lips meet, and you burn.

It feels so fucking good—so much better than the day before. Because you both want it. Because it’s Karkat. Because his lips are moving against yours and his mouth is warm and his lips are soft and smooth unlike yours and you wonder if he uses chapstick except you _stop_ wondering because you’re getting lost in the new wonder that is kissing Karkat.

Because damn, if kissing Karkat wasn’t the best thing in the world.

You slide your hands back a bit, playing your fingers out over Karkat’s waist, fingers barely brushing over cloth and you can feel Karkat shiver under your touch. You push him back, taking a few steps until he’s stopped, like you wanted—back pressed up against the wall, you holding him in place.

You press closer, flush against him—your hips are aligned and his chest is warm against yours and it feels so fucking good and you never want it to stop.

Karkat’s arms come up to wrap around your neck, keeping you even closer as you kiss him against the wall, slanting your lips against his. You run your tongue over the seam between his lips, urging them open, and he gasps into your mouth as he complies.

You lick into his mouth, groaning in pleasure despite yourself and Karkat fists his fingers in your hair, holding you possessively close.

You decide you like his possessiveness, because you are _his._ And he’s fucking yours. Your fingers grip more tightly against his hips, and his press against yours in return and—oh.

_Oh._

You have your boyfriend pressed against the wall and your tongue is in his mouth and you are kissing him senseless and he is enjoying letting you doing it and you can tell because he is turned on.

Fuck yes.

But you kind of are too, hard and turned on and Karkat making these little needy noises into your kisses aren’t helping a bit.

So you pull back, and Karkat whines like he did the last time, all needy and you wonder if this is going to become a thing and you really hope it is because it’s a seriously adorable-slash-sexy-slash-attractive noise that he’s making and you are seriously enjoying it.

"John," he gasps, and his voice is deep and grainy and his lips are red and swollen from kissing you and _fuck._ You want to kiss him—kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until you can’t kiss him anymore because your lips are so tender and then some. And you realize that you can, now that you’re his boyfriend. “John,” he repeats, voice almost a sob, and you feel his fists tighten in your hair.

You didn’t realize how much he wanted this until just now. Didn’t realize how much _you_ wanted this.

"Karkat," you whisper in return, letting go of his hips to brush his hair back, though the messy nest on top of his head will never really be tamed, no matter how much you may try.

"I’ve wanted to do that for so long," he mumbles, and he takes a deep breath.

"I’ve been wanting to do that for a week or so," you admit with a soft laugh, lean forward, and kiss him again.

The kiss is slower this time, less hurried. More sensual than anything—warm lips clinging, coming together and parting and coming back for more. You make soft noises as you kiss him—little needy ones like the ones Karkat had been making before that you just can’t help, because everything is so damn perfect.

Almost.

Because Karkat’s still turned on against you, and you just keep making out and _fuck_ you know he’s noticed that you’re just as aroused as he is right now. So you break the kiss again, lips trailing down to Karkat’s jaw, kissing back to skim your teeth over his ear. You hear him exhale, shuddering.

"Wanna go to my room?" you breathe, and he shudders again before he nods.

You take his hand, pull him up the stairs. You take them two at a time despite the dangers with your socks, and Karkat stumbles up behind you.

"Dammit, John!" he exclaims as you pull him. "Be careful, my legs aren’t as long as yours and I’m going to fucking trip and take the short and painful way back _down_ the stairs if you don’t quit going so fast, you useless, crotchstained dick,” he rambles at you and you just laugh.

"I wouldn’t let you fall, Karkat," you promise, turning to wink at him playfully once you get to the top. "I’d fly down and catch you before that happened!"

"That’s not feasibly possible, despite how much you may want to think that ‘believing’ will enable you the ability to defy the laws of physics and gravity," he grumbles at you, but he’s blushing, too.

So you just laugh, pulling him in your room and closing the door—your dad should be out getting groceries and running errands, but you’re not taking chances. You lean in, press your lips to his before pulling away teasingly, and you snicker some as Karkat tiptoes for you, chasing after your lips.

He glowers at you, rolling his eyes. “You’re an asshole,” he grumbles, and you shrug.

"What can I say? It’s a natural born talent!" you grin widely, leaning down and pressing another kiss to his cheek, obnoxious and wet before tugging him to the bed.

"On," you say, and your voice has changed. This is the sexy times voice that you didn’t even know you had—deep and commanding, no room for arguing. Karkat flushes at the sound of it, but he nods quickly before slipping off his tennis shoes, then his socks as he climbs on. You get on top of him, pulling off your own socks as you hover over him, a hand on either side of his head propping you up, one knee between his and the other on the outside.

It’s close. It’s intimate. You take a minute to just…look at Karkat. Study him, his features. How beautiful he is to you.

Karkat’s…uncharacteristically quiet, laying underneath you like this. He’s looking up at you, hands resting on your forearms, almost with a calm expression. He doesn’t seem anxious, or hesitant, or excited. Just, kind of blank.

So you start it slow, making sure to even yourself that this is what the two of you want. You lean down, kissing him slowly, and you feel him let out a shuddering exhale against your lips. And then he comes to life.

His hands slide up your arms to curl his fingers in your hair, clutching you to him like you’ll disappear if he lets you stop kissing him. You slant your lips against his for the second time tonight, easily urging him to open his mouth for you, letting you lick in and taste. It’s amazing—almost as if he already knows what you’re going to do before you do it. Or maybe you just both want the same things. You are soulmates, after all.

Real soulmates.

Karkat makes a soft noise into your mouth, and you almost tease him with your kisses—sometimes deep and thorough, other times just barely touching his lips with yours.

And then Karkat shifts underneath you, gets a thigh between yours and grinds up against you and you’re forced to break the kiss as you gasp in a combination of surprise and pleasure at the feeling. Holy fuck you’re still half hard and in your jeans and Karkat isn’t doing anything to remedy either of these situations. You look down at him and he’s practically smirking at you, and his lips twitch once before he grinds up against you again.

You groan, low in the back of your throat, and fit a leg in between his thighs and grind down on him in return. He can’t help the groan of pleasure that he lets out at the feeling.

"John," he gasps, fingers scrabbling against your back as he tries to pull you closer. You let him, pressing your chest against his as you tilt your head down. Your fingers run over his body, and Karkat can’t help the tiny gasps of pleasure that he lets out in return from your touches.

You slip your fingers up his shirt, and you feel his muscles tense before he relaxes, shivering at the touch your touch. You rub circles into his hipbones with your thumbs, and break the kiss, only to nose along Karkat’s jaw. He tilts his head to the side, opening up for you as you press your lips to his neck, part them. press your tongue to the spot at the base of his neck, close your lips around it, suck.

He moans, flushing and back arching underneath you as you suck a mark into his neck, then pull back to admire your handiwork. There’s no way that’s not going to show tomorrow, and you don’t give a fuck.

You’re glad. Because Karkat’s _yours._ You don’t mind leaving a mark on him to show it.

You scoot back, pulling your thigh away from his erection to straddle him instead, and you push your hands a little higher along his sides, his shirt bunching up around your wrists.

"Sit up so I can take this off?" you murmur, voice low, and Karkat almost immediately complies. You slip off his shirt, fingers barely ghosting over his skin as you push it up. He helps you, pulling it the rest of the way off and you let yourself drink in the sight of Karkat without it.

He’s. He’s really attractive, actually. He may not think so, but he is. He has this pale, milky white skin that contrasts nicely with your tanned half asian, half white tone and you run your hands along his chest, watching his muscles twitch and tremble as your fingers continue downwards in their exploration, down to trace to the waistband of his jeans, where you stop, blushing.

Karkat’s fingers are on the hem of your own shirt, and you let him pull it off. You close your eyes and bite your lip as Karkat feels you in return—it’s so different being taken in than being the person admiring.

You wait until his hands drop to your waist before you open your eyes, smirk and surge in. You start to press sloppy, openmouthed kisses to his jawline, pushing him back down onto the bed as you press his hips down with your own. You kiss down his neck, trailing your teeth over his artery and you can _feel_ his heartbeat against your tongue and it’s so fucking good you never want to stop.

You bite down on his shoulder, leaving another mark that is also sure to be visible tomorrow, but Karkat just keens, head tilting back as he grips at you, grinding his hips up against yours involuntarily.

You gasp softly at the pressure, and you realize that you’re kind of grinding back, doing these little involuntary hip undulations that feel so fucking good against the bulge in Karkat’s jeans.

You slide your fingers along his body, trailing your lips down even farther—over his collarbones, down his chest. Finally, it’s enough waiting for you. Your fingers go down between the two of you, and you start trying to get Karkat’s button undone except why the hell won’t this button work with you?!

Karkat’s gasping in pleasure at your every kiss, lick, and bite—being loud is his primary mode and this seems to be no different in bed. But he tries to help you, reaching down and slipping the button through the little hole, helping you unzip the jeans. He lifts his hips as you slide his jeans down, hisses as you pull away from your kisses to pull them off.

You go for your own next, sitting back on the bed as you struggle to get the button undone, finally giving up with a growl as you shove your jeans down over your hips, wriggling a bit as you do your best to get them over your ass. Karkat snickers at you, and you snap your head up to glare at him.

He freezes, bites his lip, then swallows as you push your jeans onto the floor, then get onto your hands and knees. You crawl up over him, settling yourself in his lap with a knee on either side of his hips, and you hook your arms over his shoulders and around his neck.

You close your eyes as you kiss him, and he makes this little noise into the kiss—some sort of desperate sounding moan, and you shudder out a gasp in response.

And then you _move._

You roll your hips against his, and you break the kiss and flat out _moan_ as you feel your erection slide against his through the fabric of your boxers. You’re too damn tender but you don’t want to take them off because you want to stay comfortable—want _Karkat_ to stay comfortable too, and so you just kind of. Thrust against him, rolling your hips into his and he pushes back, practically clinging to you as he kisses you, sloppy and openmouthed and perfect.

Your hands slide down, down his chest and around, gripping at his ass and hauling him closer. You tug at his waistband, slipping your fingers down the back a bit and he breaks the kiss, face red. “John—don’t—not yet—“ And you pull your fingers away.

"Okay," you manage, fingers trailing back to Karkat’s hips, thumbs tracing over his hipbones. You grip at his waist hard, tight as you continue to roll your hips against him and _fuck._

You can feel the heat of his body, feel his warm, heated exhales against your neck as he ruts against you through the fabric of your boxers. You feel the burning of his skin, searing against yours and so damn perfect.

You never want this to stop, but you know it is because you feel the tightening in your gut that means you’re getting close, and maybe you shouldn’t be coming so fast—you’re like a fifteen year old hormonal boy all over again, not an almost-adult that’s about to finish high school and go to college. But you can’t help it.

Cause when it’s your first time for real, you know that you’re going to want it to be perfect.

You finally pull away from him—fuck fuck fuck no you can’t come not yet—gritting your teeth as he whines loudly, and you reach down. Palm at him through his boxers, make a low noise. “Can I jerk you off?” you ask, voice low and hoarse.

Karkat nods.

You slip your fingers down his boxers, wrap your fingers around him. Stroke him once, slowly, feeling what it’s like to be touching someone that isn’t yourself, pleasuring someone that isn’t you.

Karkat groans, sound turning into a desperate moan as you roll the pad of your thumb over his tip, smearing precome as you stroke him. He gets a hand down your boxers as well, and you stroke each other to completion like that, all warm touches, teasing fingers, heated moans.

Your almost surprise when Karkat comes before you, doubling up with a cry as he does so. You’re not long to follow, shuddering and gasping as you come over his hand, his fingers working you through it.

Finally, you roll off of him, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “Karkat?” you breathe softly.

"Yeah?" he mutters, voice just as hoarse as yours is as he reaches over to your bedside table, grabbing some tissues for him, and some to pass to you.

"I don’t think I’m straight," you say, then snicker proudly at your ‘revelation.’

Karkat punches you on the shoulder, and it is totally worth it.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Monday, you walk into school together, holding hands. Your dad had allowed Karkat to stay the night entire weekend under the condition that both of you get your homework done before ten on Sunday night, which you had managed.

You haven’t told him yet, or Karkat’s dad, but you have time. You’re getting looks from friends, teachers, students you don’t know as you continue your day together.

And when you lean over to kiss Karkat on the cheek after he passes you the pencil that Dave had oh-so-assholishly stole from you, it’s not really a surprise to him.

Your friends are confused, all except Rose (and maybe Kanaya), but you and Karkat just continue on like it’s every other day—albeit with a slight blush, holding hands under the table.

Some of them will figure it out sooner than others. Some will approve, others will probably not be happy about your relationship. You don’t really care.

Because you have Karkat. You two have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. The last chapter of soulmate au. Thank you so much to anyone who has stuck around with me all this time—even if you’re following me for one of my other fics (i promise I’m going to try to update one of those soon). I really appreciate all of the support you’ve given me, so thank you so much <3 
> 
> I've been feeling really down about my writing lately, and have seriously considered quitting altogether. But I had to at least finish this first.
> 
> Anyway, if any of you guys have any comments or requests or something you wanna know more about the au, you can find me at [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr. I really had fun writing this. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Je viens te chercher](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6754738) by [Ahnranya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahnranya/pseuds/Ahnranya)




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